Sometimes in life, there are times when you did something so uncomprehendingly stupid, like wearing a bright red short sleeve flannel shirt with cargo shorts to the movies or trying to pimp a home run in gym softball and letting go of the bat and breaking a kid’s nose the day of Prom, that you just have to take a lap.
Some days it’s you, some days it’s your friend, some days it’s somebody who you may not even know, but somewhere somebody is doing something stupid and deserves to take a lap. Today, that moron was none other than ESPN and their dufus-filled scheduling team.
This morning, at 11 AM Eastern Standard Time, ESPN 2 aired the “2017 FIFA Ultimate Team Championship Series: Berlin” for a FULL FUCKING HOUR. They put, on their actual channel, not like ESPN 8: The Ocho or some shit like that, on ESPN 2, their second biggest station, the Berlin FIFA Championship.
First off, FIFA is a great video game to play. When I play it, I’m like a pig in shit, and I’m actually quite terrible at the game. I can’t imagine how much fun it would be if you’re good. But I mean, you score 4 goals combined on a good day between the two teams usually, so there is not a lot of action. What in the name of Chuck Knoblauch was ESPN thinking?
Nobody wants to even watch real soccer when the games matter. They had difficulty getting Americans to watch their own team in the World Cup. If it wasn’t the championship or the semi-finals, only like 80 people tops cared. So why would the Berlin-based, video game version of that provoke anybody to sit down on their couch and actually watch that? We hate the Germans. They start every war and their accents suck. I don’t care how good they are at FIFA, and I definitely don’t want to watch it on my TV when they could have thrown on a 30 For 30 or some random documentary about the knuckleball.
It just hurts my brain to think that the people at ESPN legitimately thought this was a good idea, considering the world of sports has an obscene amount of content and ESPN used to be prime television. Nobody can literally be that stupid. It was an hour of their time, just air another shitty Sportscenter, I don’t care. Just not the fucking Berlin FIFA Championship.
And for that ESPN, take a lap.