Unless you’re Patrick Star, you have heard the words of Nike exec George Raveling claiming that LaVar Ball is “the worst thing to happen to basketball in the past 100 years.”
Based on all of my basketball experience, making it all the way to becoming a backup Junior Varsity shooting guard, I can confidently tell you that my man Georgie is not only incorrect, but in fact, he could not be more wrong.
Before I begin telling you why LaVar is the GOAT (yes, it did pain me to write that), lets get some things out of the way.
- LaVar has absolutely no clue wtf he is talking about
- His sexist comments on ‘The Herd’ are unacceptable
- He may have taught his kids to play “Chino Hills” cherry-picking offense, but we are yet to see this transfer to the NBA, let alone March Madness success
- It is absurd that I could literally board United flight 758 from Newark to LA just to beat the shit out of LaVar for $53 less than a pair of “Big Baller Brand” shoes
Now, we get to the fun part.
The NBA has had a viewership problem in recent years, with viewership declining 6% from the 2015-2016 season, and the amount of viewers being nowhere close to the NFL’s. They need a reason for people to be excited to watch the NBA, and the product of LaVar’s sperm, paired with his painfully pompous personality, has provided us with just that.
The NBA regular season and playoffs is nothing more than a really long wait to see the Cavs and Warriors battle in the Finals. I do not care if you love the Celtics more than Bill Russell, you’re playing yourself if you think they stand a chance against LeGoat and cast. The NBA regular season/ playoffs needs some excitement, and the hype that LaVar has created can give us just that.
Let us assume that Lonzo goes #2 to the Lakers. He would be rejuvenating the second most winning-est franchise of all-time not only with his undeniable ability, but also with much needed attention. The last time the Lakers were relevent in a basketball sense was April 13, 2016, when Kobe dropped 60 for a 17-65 Lakers squad. Since the Lakers last winning season in 2012-2013…
- The Cubs won a World Series
- Sochi, Russia hosted the Olympics
- Leonardo fucking DiCaprio won an Oscar
- A dead gorilla took over pop culture
- Same-sex marriage was legalized
In no way is this poking at Harambe (may he Rest in Peace), but it goes to show that one of the NBA’s most popular franchises has been out of the loop for far too long.
If Lonzo goes to the Lakers, the next day, Lakers’ merchandise sales skyrocket. Not only do Lonzo jerseys/ shirts sell left and right, but so does all LA Laker gear just because of the thousands of Big Baller Bandwagoners. Regardless of who the Lakers play on opening day, thousands and thousands more people will tune in just to see LaVar’s son play. Even if these viewers want him to fail, they are bringing in some much-needed revenue to the NBA.
This can hold true for whatever franchise Lonzo finds himself playing for, and while Lonzo’s skill will propel his team, his father is what will propel fans. His blasphemous personality, obscene statements, and lack of common sense make people want to know his every move. There is a reason he has dominated the news cycle – if no one gave a shit, they would not report on him, yet they do.
In conclusion, I hope another person like LaVar is never, ever, ever born. With that being said, since the only other person being hated on more by the media is Putin’s Puppet, he must be doing something right.