The Yankees Have Found a Way to Make Being a Judge Fan Uncool

Why.

Why do this. What is the need for this. Oh, a lucky 18 fans get to be moved to the ass crack of the right field seats where if they squint and look at a 40 degree angle they’ll catch a glimpse of Aaron Judge shagging a fly ball? What a rush. Willy Wonka Golden Ticket type sex appeal right there. I feel like this is just gonna look like the Bleacher Creature’s annoying little brother that their mom is making them hangout out with. There’s nothing remotely cool about this and I loved the fact that people were dressing up like a judge and repping the wig and gavel this year. It was cool, we had our own thing, we had a player we could build a little fan community around. But this, this is like when you and your friends are saying an ongoing inside joke at lunch and the annoying guy that no one likes comes over and sits with you and starts to join in on the joke and everyone just gets quiet and uncomfortable, and he’s all sweaty, looking around staring at everyone to laugh but everyone just has their heads down, wishing he’d go away. *Catches breath*, stop trying to join in on our thing, you’re just making it weird. This is Busch League, Yankee Stadium, you’re better than this. This is what minor league affiliates that are so thirsty for fans they’d give their life savings to see over 50 people in the crowd do. Stop showing off your ass if you don’t have one, Yankee Stadium, you’ve got a pretty face, stick with that. When the Canucks had the green men humping the penalty box glass and annoying the shit out of opposing teams stars did they then go and reserve a section for the green men? No. You know why?? Because if it ain’t broke, don’t try to fix it.

So here’s a word of advice Yankee Stadium, you continue to be a stadium, with the beer and food we regrettably buy like its going out of style, and we’ll continue to be the fans and do the stupid, funny shit like dressing up as a judge and screaming horrible things at guys like Steven Sousa, Jr. Fuck that guy.

I refuse to have my stadium turn into Weenie Hut Junior’s. Even if it is Double Weenie Wednesday.

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