Cavs Plan on Trading Lint in Belly Button and a Tooth Pick for Jimmy Butler

Yes fans, you read that author line correct. The king returns to his throne. The return is in full force. And to all those saying only 3 people read this blog I say to you, idgaf queue the music…

Back to the matter at hand. I’ve seen like 30 headlines in the past couple of days saying that Jimmy Butler and the Cleveland Cavaliers are pushing for a trade that would send him into the holy hands of LeBron and Kyrie. Now lets fantasize for a minute on how sick that would be. Kyrie floating perfect lobs to LeBron as LeBron, in mid air, lobs one up to Butler for the emphatic slam finish. Just absolute 82-0 caliber fantasy shit. Cream your jeans type material. They’d resurrect Michelangelo to paint the ceiling of the Quicken Loans Arena with the faces of LeBron, Kyrie, Jimmy and KLove.

Now, back to reality. This will never happen. I’m like 86.7% sure that it won’t. Jimmy Butler is a top 3 Small Forward in the NBA. You know what Top 3 Small Forwards in the NBA get traded for? Top 3 picks, often times, multiple top 3 picks. You know what the Cavs have to trade? Channing Frye and a scrap book of LeBron’s mom Delonte West made in like 2006. They have absolutely no trade chips to get a superstar talent like a Jimmy Butler. Therefore, how in God’s name do they plan on getting a player like Butler. LeBron might send his mafia out to take down dudes like David Blatt so he can get one of his boys to become his head coach, but this is a different organization we’re talking about. And Bulls GM Gar Forman ain’t no bitch LeBron. This is the face of a man that’s been on the wrong side of a mob hit one too many times in his life. He’s adapted to it.

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So don’t read into the hype kids, this is fake news at its finest. Honestly shocked this story isn’t headlined all over the Failing New York Times. As much as I’d love to see Jimmy Butler join the Cavs and give us the most enticing East Side/West Side rivalry since Biggie and Pac, unfortunately Delonte’s stock is way down and its not rising in the foreseeable future. For now, the most exciting supporting cast story Cavs fans will have to enjoy is Deron Williams denying the fact that he’s bald and taking Boozer Avenue. Our thoughts and prayers go out to your hairline DWill.

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