The Man Show: Hilarious Videos

The Man Show was a show that ran on Comedy Central from 1999 to 2004, hosted by the now infamous Jimmy Kimmel and the less infamous Adam Corolla.  Together, the two of them basically just did stupid shit that every guy would get a kick out of.  The video above is this 11 year-old, white-bred,white-chocolate truffle-looking kid that is the last person on Earth you would think would say wildly inappropriate stuff. From hitting on college girls to selling beer on the streets, this legitimately made me laugh out loud. My new life goal is to find this kid, and I pray he’s still just as fat, if not more.

This second video is still from The Man Show and is a deer strapped down to a car screaming for help and shouting insults at passing bystanders. Give it a watch and enjoy.

 

Why Banning Greek Life Isn’t the Answer

The death of Penn State sophomore Timothy Piazza earlier this year is one of the more upsetting stories of 2017 thus far. Piazza had accepted his bid at Beta Theta Pi, and fell down the stairs at the fraternity house after being forced to drink a ton. Fraternities and hazing have been a hot button topic for years now, and the Piazza story has been one of the most talked about in recent memory. One of the people to write about it is Jonathan Zimmerman, a UPenn professor. In his article, Close down all fraternities, he calls for universities to stop recognizing fraternities all together. After reading the whole thing, I can honestly say this guy’s argument makes little to no sense. You can read Zimmerman’s article here.

First off, let me say this. The actions of the Penn State Beta Theta Pi brothers that night are inexcusable. No one should be forced to drink that much alcohol in such a short amount of time, but the worst part is how long it took them to call for help. Clearly, some of the brothers knew Piazza hit his head, and knew how badly he needed to go to the hospital. This is the saddest part of the whole story to me. Fraternities are about brotherhood, always being there for the guys next to you. Even though Piazza was just a pledge, that same mentality should extend. You should do anything to help your brother, despite the possible repercussions for the fraternity. Even worse than that, where’s the basic sense of human decency? Piazza was clearly more than just a kid who had a little too much to drink, and they let a young man lose his life far too soon. Hopefully, all those kids will get the justice they deserve, even though they can never really make up for what they did. They took the lives of one of their own, and left his parents without their son. As devastating as this incident was, and as much as I believe everything possible should be done to prevent it from happening again, I don’t think colleges banning Greek life is the answer. Here’s why.

First of all, I can speak from a similar experience that the overwhelming majority of fraternities would not have handled that situation as poorly as Beta Theta Pi did that night. At my fraternity’s last party my freshman year, a girl passed out from drinking too much. This girl didn’t even have much, if anything to drink at the party, she was already drunk before she came. Letting her in at all was a risk management mistake from the start, as she probably should have been taken home by a friend or gotten help rather than attend another party. Of course, my brothers did what any decent human being would do and called her an ambulance. She ended up being okay, but we still paid the price. Even though we were not at fault for her getting as drunk as she did, we were charged with a year of social probation for serving alcohol at the party. Clearly this is the type of punishment the Beta Theta Pi brothers feared when they  decided not to call an ambulance for Piazza. However, just because they made this horrible error in judgment does not mean you can generalize it to every fraternity in the nation.

The other reason banning Greek life is not the answer is because it would probably have more of a negative impact than positive. Let me explain. Fraternities recognized by universities have to abide by certain rules, and are regulated by student and school bodies. By banning Greek life, you would lose this. Sure, there wouldn’t be any official “fraternities,” but there would still be very similar underground organizations. These would basically be fraternities without the regulation of schools, allowing them to get away with much more when it comes to hazing, partying, etc. Even Zimmerman points to two cases of non-fraternity hazing incidents in his article, one with the Florida A&M marching band and the other with the Harvard men’s soccer team. Would banning fraternities from college campuses satisfy some outsiders who are outraged over the trouble some cause? Sure. But it would not help prevent another death like Timothy Piazza’s.

If getting rid of fraternities isn’t the answer, what is? It’s hard to say, but I think there are a few things that could help. First off, everyone in Greek life who would act the same way the Beta Theta Pi brothers did that night needs a reality check. Either do the right thing when someone needs help, or don’t be a part of Greek life. Fraternities are about brotherhood and having each other’s backs; if you wouldn’t make a simple phone call to save a brother’s (or pledge’s) life, you do not deserve to be a brother. Second, put more Good Samaritan laws in place, for college kids especially. Good Samaritan laws protect people who call help for those in need from any legal liability. This could help save lives, but ideally you’d rather prevent people from being in positions of needing saving at all. My final idea is to lower the drinking age from 21 to 19. If everyone could theoretically drink legally once they are in college, the need for drinking at private places such as fraternities becomes diminished. It’s much harder to drink past your limit at a bar than it is an off-campus party, fraternity or not.

None of these solutions would eliminate the risk for alcohol-related deaths, but they could certainly help. The only thing we can do is remember that if someone is in need of help, it’s our moral obligation to provide it for them. No amount of potential trouble is worth risking someone losing their life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Draw the Line at LaVar Ball Coming After My Girl Kristine Leahy

This blog hasn’t even been up for a week yet, and here we are talking about LaVar Ball. Throw in a couple Deflategate stories and an article about why anyone should give a shit about whether or not Tim Tebow gets promoted to AA, and we’re basically fuckin’ ESPN. Don’t worry, I don’t plan on talking about this clown often. But he did something yesterday that is necessary to talk about.

Everyone knows LaVar Ball is basically the Donald Trump of basketball. What do I mean by that? He repeatedly says/tweets dumb shit, it gets people’s attention, they talk about it. He’s claimed he would beat Jordan 1-on-1, claimed Lonzo is better than Steph Curry right now, and even blamed UCLA’s “slow white guys” as the reason they didn’t win the championship. The bullshit continued on The Herd on FS1 yesterday. Take a look for yourself.

 

 

First things first, I’m a big Kristine Leahy guy. She’s an absolute babe, and she actually knows her shit. FS1 is already lightyears ahead of ESPN, and her and Colin are two big reasons why. Anyway, I get LaVar’s whole act. Clearly, he’s gonna come on the show, be a total dick to Kristine for no reason, and get a ton of publicity from articles like this one. That’s just not okay. Coming after someone who had you on their show for attention is crazy disrespectful, and disrespecting women is definitely not okay. It’s really sad because Lonzo Ball can really fucking play. The kid has a good shot to become a perennial All-Star, yet the first thing you think when you hear “Lonzo Ball” is his buffoon of a father who averaged 2.2 PPG in one season of college basketball.

Kristine came out to defend herself later on on FS1’s Speak for Yourself.

You go, girl. Nothing hotter than good-looking women who know what they’re talking about when it comes to sports, and it was awesome for her to call LaVar out on his bullshit. Can’t wait to see how many more dozens of $500 shoes this guy will pretend to sell.

PS- if there’s any way to repair his image, it’s by doing more videos with Lil Dicky. One of the most likeable guys I can think of.

Jose Bautista Maintains Douche Bag Status, World Continues to Rotate on it’s Axis

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Good morning friends, family, faculty and esteemed guests. I’d like to discuss with you all the douchebag above. Tonight, our good friend from up north shook Atlanta, and for all we know, the entire state of Georgia when he gave the most irrelevant/cocky bat flip home run celebration May baseball has ever seen. It cut Toronto’s deficit in the game from 8-3 to a whopping 8-4. I genuinely do not understand it. Joey Bats literally craves pissing off opposing teams via bat flip. Like literally sits up at night brainstorming ideas of how to run around the bases in the most douchey fashion so that all 13 of the Braves fans at SunTrust Park can have their blood boiling.

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Look at this guy with the long hair to the left. I can literally hear him screaming “Chipper Jones didn’t die for this!!” through my computer screen. The sad part is, I’d be cool with it if it was anyone else doing this homer celebration. Literally, anyone else. Throw DJ Tanner from Full House in the batters box and have her pimp the shit out of home runs- she instantly becomes the biggest savage in the league. Sign me up, I’d be going ham in the stands with Uncle Joey, Danny, Jesse and the gang. Hell, even bring Uncle Joey’s puppets, just fuel to the fire baby. You get my point. Bautista can not be the poster child of bat flips. He’s so not likable. Lets go down the check list: He plays in Canada, he’s batting .208 while getting paid $18 million, he 111% juiced for years and got away with it,…he plays in Canada. I don’t know why I feel so strongly against him, I just do. I’d bet a good amount of money that he still wears his old varsity jacket at age 35. He’s just that type of guy.

To sum up this PSA, and I think I speak on behalf of every man, woman, and child who cares about the well being of baseball, when I say we’re tired of it Bautista, give it a rest. Bat flips are one of the last things left in the MLB that outsiders of baseball can say “wow, this guy’s balls must go past his knees”. Don’t be a dick and ruin this for us Bautista. Cough it up champ, its over. After Rougned Odor turns your face into a Mythbusters slo-mo cam clip, you can’t be the bat flip guy anymore. You knew that going into this. I didn’t write the rules, I just abide by them.
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You either die a hero or live long enough to get the sauce from the knuckles of a second baseman. End rant.

If Avril Lavigne is Dead, So Am I

Warning: this post will contain severa hidden and unfortuntaley bad Avril Lavigne puns. Viewer discretion is advised

First things first, get caught up on the issue at hand.

The Guardian:
Did you know Avril Lavigne was replaced by a lookalike named Melissa in 2003? At least, that’s what the internet would have you believe. The old conspiracy theory that Lavigne was “cloned” resurfaced on Twitter over the weekend, but it has been bandied about the internet since 2005 and is thought to have originated on a Brazilian fanpage.

The theory claims Lavigne, struggling with fame at the beginning of her career, began using a body double named Melissa. At some point, the real Lavigne is said to have died, so the record company replaced her with Melissa full-time. “Proof” has included Lavigne’s red carpet shots (Lavigne wears trousers; Melissa prefers dresses and skirts) and supposed differences between the facial features of pre-2003 Lavigne and the current incarnation. Theorists also believe Melissa has left clues in songs, such as Slipped Away, in which she sings: “The day you slipped away was the day I found it won’t be the same”. There was even a publicity shot in which Lavigne had “Melissa” written on her hand. Spooky.

 

What the hell.  In 2017, anything is possible, but I did not think the songbird of 2002 would have a lifetime stunt double. This is the type of shit that will make a great movie in ten years.

Please note before reading on: If Avril Lavigne made sure she had a replacement to live the rest of her life, you HAVE TO recognize that heart and give her some damn props. That is the definition of “The show must goes on”.

The question being ignored in this whole scenario is how the hell Avril Lavigne died???? If alive, she is 32 now and if not, and this has been going on for a while she was dead at like 28! If you die before 30 the only options are shot, drugs, or sickness.  I’m sure if Avril Lavigne was shot then people would have known. She was a damn icon after “Skater Boy”.  That’s like shooting John Lennon. That makes the news 9/10. If she had a terminal illness then I’m guaranteeing you people would have known about that because too many idolized her to just let her go quietly without a fight.  This leaves the only option being drugs, which is a possibility since she went to rehab various times. That will be the only theory I accept for the time being.

If that theory is correct, we must now think of life without Avril Lavigne, which is certainly a tough concept to grasp.  It’s complicated, considering she was a legend when we were growing up, whether or not you want to admit it.

All I know is I’m not ready for her to be gone, and if this damn Melissa tries to duplicate what Avril did, she’s gonna get a dropkick to the nose. Her music won’t be looked at the same, and how will we ever know what was Avril and what wasn’t? I am willing to accept the idea that her three good songs were Avril, and every other one that sucked or was forgetful was simply Melissa trying to catch the wave and get ready for this time.

Whatever the truth is, I’m just praying Avril is fine and ready to make another guilty-pleasure hit in the coming months. If she does, she’s an early candidate for Comeback Performer of the Year.

 

 

LeGarrette Blount is on the Eagles and it only took like three months

Okay, so there was interest from the Giants, Lions and the Cardinals, but the Eagles ended up landing the league’s 2016 rushing touchdown leader. But who’s the real winner? That’s right, the fucking Patriots again.

They threw a seldom-used tender on Blount that worked in favor of their compensation formula. That’s right, they could potentially end up with a compensatory draft pick because of this acquisition, according to NFL.com. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt after the Super Bowl. The unexpected is expected with them.

Anyway, let’s stop sucking off the Pats and focus on Mr. Blount.

Now lets rewind a little bit…

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Couldn’t agree more Walter Jr.

I understand that Peterson received a two-year deal, but he could earn up to $12.5 million with incentives. And Blount only gets to earn up to $2.8 million? Also, Peterson collected a $2.5 million signing bonus, according to Bleacher Report. That’s almost Blount’s entire potential contract.

Just doesn’t make sense to me. Blount even ran for over 1,000 yards, so clearly he’s more than a goal-line back. Also, 18 fucking touchdowns. Put a little respect on the guy’s name.

Look at this animal. You’d think he would put his head down and get the first down, but instead he side-steps the entire defense and then puts safety Maurice Alexander on skates.

Now, back to Philly. I think it’s a pretty good signing. Why not? For a maximum of $2.8 million? This guy behind that Eagles offensive line could really be dangerous. I’m not going to lie, it hurts to say this, but the Eagles have really had a great off-season. They’re a serious threat in the NFC East. I could totally see why Blount chose them.

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Live look-in on Ryan Mathews.

The acquisitions of Blount and Alshon Jeffery could easily make Darren Sproles and Jordan Mathews more productive in their offense.

Just not ready to put Torrey Smith in that category yet…

 

Male Rompers are One of the Worst Ideas I’ve Ever Heard, and I’ve Heard a Lot of Bad Ideas

I was scrolling through Twitter during the Celtics/Wizards game last night, and it was pretty uneventful. Aside from a few funny Avril Lavigne conspiracy tweets, nothing of note. Until I saw this.

These look like a cross between a “my Dad is a lawyer, I’ll park my Porsche where I want” frat douchebag outfit and a “it’s more than paying for friends, it’s a bond of sisters for life” sorority girl outfit. Quite possibly the single worst piece of clothing I have ever laid eyes on. There’s a limit to how fratdouche you can dress, and this is way past the line.

The key aspect they’re overlooking is how tough it is gonna be to pee when you’re wearing one of these. One of the best things about being a guy at a dage is being able to piss behind the nearest tree or bush. 30 seconds, done. Not if you’re wearing one of these. Gotta find a bathroom and wait in line with every single girl at the party, and I’ll be damned if I wait for anything at a dage besides a beer.

Whoever thought this was a good idea needs to take a minute, go back to the drawing board, and bash themselves over the head with it. There hasn’t been an idea this bad since Prohibition.