I’m Not Hitting the Panic Button on the Yankees Yet

Note: This was supposed to be published yesterday but Bert, Dave and I forgot to actually post any articles yesterday. That’s the BTB difference.

Heartbreaking loss for the Yankees yesterday. I got to experience my first Old Timers’ Day at the Stadium, which was really cool. Watching guys like Tino, Jorge, and Bernie play again was a real treat. Unfortunately, the current Yankees got off to a not-so-hot start. Pineda gave up a three-run homer in each of the first two innings, followed up by a solo shot in the 4th. At 7-0, the Stadium was lifeless. The Yankees weren’t done yet, however.

An RBI single by MVP favorite Aaron Judge followed by this three-run shot by Gary Sanchez to dead center cut the deficit to 7-4.

Didn’t even think that was gonna be close to getting out, but it got legs at the last minute and just kept carrying. For as impressive as Judge has been this year, Gary hasn’t been far off. Hopefully these guys are the 3-4 hitters in our lineup for a long time.

Ronny Torreyes hit a solo homer in the 7th, producing one of my favorite moments of the season thus far.

I’m gonna need a gif of that ASAP. Gotta love Didi, Judge and Toe.

Unfortunately, the same inning came to a close when Gary got thrown out trying to go first to third on Didi’s RBI single that scored Judge. Anyone who’s ever played baseball knows, you never make the first or third out at third base, and it negated a chance for Chase Headley to hit with a runner in scoring position after already having two hits on the day. (Chase Headley had three hits yesterday. Wow that felt weird to type.)

Betances and Chapman looked like the most dominant relief duo in the league in the 8th and 9th, but unfortunately the Yankees couldn’t scratch across another run to tie the game. Does a 7-6 loss hurt? Yup. Does it sting to be 2-10 in our last 12? Like saltwater in an open cut. But I’m optimistic after yesterday. Here’s why.

Yeah, Pineda didn’t pitch well and that’s concerning. And yeah, Hicks is headed to the DL for 3-4 weeks. But this team got back to their strengths: their lineup and bullpen.

The Yanks scored 6 runs on 11 hits, with everyone in the lineup seemingly contributing. RBI singles for Judge and Didi, a 3-run shot by El Gary, solo homer for Toe, 3 hits for Headley. Plus, Tyler Austin is no All-Star, but at least he’s not Chris Carter. We didn’t even have Holliday or Castro available yesterday, and the offense performed this well. If the 2017 Yankees can do one thing, they can hit. They are NOT a good baserunning team, as shown by Sanchez’s blunder in the 7th. But this team will hit, and it was great to see it yesterday since the bats have cooled off lately.

The other strength the Yankees got back to yesterday was their bullpen. Pineda’s disaster of a start got them only 4 innings, and the bullpen threw 5 shutout innings. Tyler Webb threw a scoreless 5th after issuing two walks, Chad Green worked his way out of a runner on third, one-out jam unscathed while throwing two shutout innings, and Betances and Chapman did their thing in the late innings.

So yes, these last 2 weeks have been a nightmare. Hicks is headed to the DL. Holliday and Castro are banged up. But Chris Carter is gone, Ellsbury is almost back, and even Tanaka pitched great on Friday. There’s a lot of baseball ahead of us. Let’s go Yankees, baby.

“7 Days in Hell” is Iconic and More People Need to Know About It

When it comes to famous comedy movies, your mind immediately wanders to the likes of Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Vince Vaughn, Mike Myers, or Zach Galifinakis.  Well I’m here to wake you up and roll you out of bed because school is in session.

This is an HBO movie that flies way too low under the radar.  Andy Samberg and some British guy (Kit Harrington) battle it out on the tennis courts to see who is the best player in the world.  The problem, it is such an even match-up that the game takes seven days to complete. Within these seven days, the two opponents go back and forth at each other trying to throw the other one off their game.

I would love to describe more of this to you, but you literally just have to go and watch it, and I’m not about to spoil all the jokes. It’ll make you say “What the actual fuck?” somewhere between 3-9 times, and the thought of Andy Samberg being a cocaine-addict, rock-star tennis player with a mullet bigger than his torso should be enough for you to check this out.

Even if you don’t have HBO Go, get the free trial.  If you don’t want to bother with that, ask somebody for their password.  If that’s too much, I’m sure one of your friends is actually using another random person’s account because HBO Go accounts get passed around more than Dwight Howard after 2011 (BANG).

Watch it with some friends and have a good laugh, it’ll be a movie you’re quoting for a long time to come.

Rutgers Football/Tailgate Season is 70 Days Away

There’s no such thing as a bad college semester, especially at Rutgers. Each one brings different excitement and experiences, and aside from exam season, there’s never a dull moment in the Dirty Bruns. However, gun to my head, I’m picking Fall semester over Spring ten times out of ten.

Is Rutgers football any good? They definitely weren’t in 2016. But I have faith that we’re only going to get better every year in the Ash era, we just have to #TrustTheProcess. No matter what the product on the field is like, tailgate season is an experience like no other. I think it’s the coolest thing that basically everyone at Rutgers gets up at 8 AM, when if it wasn’t game day you couldn’t drag them out of bed before 11, just to get blackout drunk with their fellow students. That’s what college is all about (and I guess the classes part?)

For the first 2 home games last year, Rutgers gave us heaven on Earth, The Alley. The parking lot next to the Werblin fields became the land of opportunity. Every Greek life organization at Rutgers tailgating in one centralized location? It was something out of a movie.



However, sooner than Kim K was taken from Kris Humphries, Rutgers took The Alley from us. The worst part? They blamed it on our fearless leader, Pat Hobbs.

The Rutgers administration as a whole doesn’t show a whole lot of care about us. They give us the worst bus schedules imaginable, make registering for classes hell, and God knows what they put in the food at Brower. You have to experience it to truly know what “RU screw” means. But Pat Hobbs? This is a man of the people. Not only does he get us a student tailgate lot, but he shows up to talk to us and even drinks a beer. Kirkland, too, it doesn’t get more Rutgers than that. I could go on for days about how mad it made me that he was the scapegoat for The Alley closing, but back to the topic at hand: tailgate season.

Even with The Alley closing, that didn’t stop Rutgers. The tailgates moved back to the traditional College Ave locations, and they were as wild as ever. Check out 5:04-5:37 of this video, the rest is literally irrelevant but there’s 30 seconds of straight tailgate hype. Not sure how this kid got in, but he shoots some dope videos.

Shoutout my brother Garrison telling everyone to “part the Red Sea” once the cops showed up, almost kept the tailgate alive a little longer. Having dages/tailgates get shut down is a huge buzzkill. Luckily, we didn’t have any trouble with our Penn St. game tailgate, making it all the way until kickoff.

The rumor is that there will be an Alley-like student tailgate lot open for the 2017 season at a different location on Busch. The best we can do is hope. Worst comes to worst, we’ll make the best of it. There’s no season like tailgate season. Hobbs/Ash ’17, Make Rutgers Great Again.

Why I Hate DJ Funkmaster Flex

You know who the worst DJ in New York is? I’ll give you a hint, he looks like an ugly combo of Shaq and Draymond Green-

DJ Funkmaster Fucking Flex.


There is no radio host, TV anchor, author, poet, singer, athlete, politician, or convicted felon, that I hate more than DJ Funkmaster Flex.  If you’re unfamiliar with who this man is, first off, you are lucky.  He is the radio host of Hot 97 at night, and has a passion for destroying good music.  If you have ever sat shotgun in my car, you have probably seen me lose my shit when the poor, unknowing passenger clicks preset one, blaring his bullshit out the stereo.  Here is the problem with him — he does not know how to just let a good song live.  Let’s say he puts on Trufflebutter by Drake, great song!  Now all you have to do is let the fucking song play, and let the audience enjoy.  Instead, he tries to remix every second of the song, ruining an otherwise pure song.  Or, he will loop the intro — I love a good intro as much as the next guy, but when it is building up to a beat drop, let the damn beat drop instead of playing the same buildup over and over and over again.  It takes a special talent to actually have people petition for you to step down from your job.

I can imagine Funk Flex as the DJ at his high school…

“Today is April 12th, 1984.  It is a C day.  Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance. 

“I pledge allegiance to the flag… I pledge allegiance to the flag… I pledge allegiance to the flag… *AIRHORNNNNNNNNN* I PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE TO THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERI…. (Last part in rapped like Kanye)

To be clear, my problem is not with Hot 97.  During the morning/ day, I love tuning in.  As soon as Funk Flex takes the mic though… DEATH TO HOT 97

NBA Draft Recap, Analysis, Plus Winners and Losers

With the 2017 NBA Draft officially concluded, it’s time to assess the damage, and to try and predict what every teams’ next move is as they prepare for next season. For those of you who watched the entire draft, I applaud your commitment, and for those of you who didn’t, here’s a recap of the entire first round, the major moves, and the winners and losers on draft night. Image result for nba draft 2017

  1. Philadelphia 76ers – Markelle Fultz, PG Washington: No surprises here with this pick, Fultz was the consensus top pick in this year’s draft, and rightfully so. Many people didn’t watch Fultz too often, including myself, due to the fact that he played in the PAC-12 and on a very bad team, but he possesses many attributes that make him a great fit for the league. A natural scorer at 6′ 4″ with a 7′ wingspan, coupled with athleticism, a nice outside shot, and play-making ability, Fultz should definitely contribute to #TheProcess and could become a star in the league.Image result for markelle fultz draft
  2. Los Angeles Lakers – Lonzo Ball, PG UCLA: This pick was essentially guaranteed with the trading of D’Angelo Russell, and it’s a solid pick for the Lakers. Ball is a natural leader, and he possesses outstanding passing abilities to go with a remarkably efficient offensive game (He was the only player to shoot better than 60% on 2 pt field goals and 40% on 3 pt field goals). Ball has all the potential to be a part of a young core that could revive the Lakers and showtime along the way.Image result for lonzo draft
  3. Boston Celtics – Jayson Tatum, SF Duke: A great pick for Boston with a lot of upside, Tatum is fortunate to be a lottery pick joining a 50-win team. Tatum boasts a well established offensive game drawing comparisons to Carmelo Anthony, and with Amir Johnson figuring to leave the C’s in free agency, Tatum could instantly find himself in a big role bolstering the team and providing another offensive weapon as Boston tries to get over the hump that is LeBron and the Cavs.Image result for tatum draft
  4. Phoenix Suns – Josh Jackson, SF Kansas: One of my favorite picks of the draft, if there’s one thing the league always has a place for, it’s athletes, and Jackson definitely fits the bid. While his jumpshot is inconsistent as well as his overall offensive game, Jackson is a high motor guy that will be a dynamic compliment to Devin Booker on the wing. Plus, he can be a great defender and offensive skills can be improved over time, but Jackson’s athleticism is something you can’t teach.Image result for josh jackson draft
  5. Sacramento Kings – De’Aaron Fox, PG Kentucky: This pick is right up there with the Knicks’ pick as one of the most painful picks for me in the draft. I absolutely love De’Aaron Fox on and off the court. He’s blazing fast with a great handle, the ability to finish around the rim, and an underrated mid-range jumpshot which was flashed in excess against Lonzo Ball and UCLA during the NCAA tournament. Not only that, but he has drawn John Wall comparisons and he’s a leader and a high energy guy. So why do I hate this pick? Because Fox has all the tools to be a star in this league, but Sacramento is where players’ careers go to die. Tell me the last Kings’ draft pick that went on to have a successful career. Exactly. Image result for de'aaron fox draft
  6. Orlando Magic – Jonathon Isaac, F Florida State: Orlando just can’t seem to figure it out recently, but hopefully Isaac can be an answer. Having grown a freakish amount in high school similar to Anthony Davis, Isaac possesses excellent guard skills for a player of his size to compliment good ability around the basket and a freakish wingspan. Provided he can fill out and get stronger, Isaac has a lot of potential to become a scary player in the league.Image result for jonathan isaac draft
  7. Minnesota Timberwolves (Chicago) – Lauri Markkanen, F Arizona: I can’t help but think that the Bulls got the short end of the stick in this deal, and I’m not sure how I feel about Markkanen either. The poor man’s Kristaps Porzingis, Markkanen shoots the 3 at a great clip and can stretch the floor, but is lanky and a bit soft, and his defense will have to improve as well as his strength if he’s going to succeed.  Image result for markkanen draft
  8. New York Knicks – Frank Ntilikina, PG Strasbourg: Was Phil Jackson asleep when the Knicks decided to make this pick? Probably not, because this pick was such a typical Jackson/Knicks thing to do. Draft an 18 year old European prospect who is largely unknown and touted solely on potential that won’t be realized for years, and who ESPN gave a 59% chance of being a bust. Sounds good right? Ntilikina is raw and could potentially develop into a solid player in the league, but he’s only averaging 5.5 ppg in limited minutes in France, and with both Malik Monk and Dennis Smith Jr. on the board, I just really hate this pick by the Knicks. At least there were no crying fans after this one.Image result for ntilikina draft day
  9. Dallas Mavericks – Dennis Smith Jr., PG NC State: One of the biggest steals of the draft. Smith Jr. is a gamer, and while playing in the rigorous ACC, he proved that he is an extremely talented offensive guard who can make an immediate impact. Dallas was in need of a point guard, and I predict Smith Jr. makes waves in the league, all while causing an early funeral for Phil Jackson at the hands of all the angry Knicks fans who will be pissed that they missed him.Image result for dennis smith jr draft
  10. Sacramento Kings (Portland) -Zach Collins, C Gonzaga: I see Adam Morrison in Zach Collins’ future, and no, not college Adam Morrison. While Collins brings size, intensity, and a presence on both ends of the floor, he has never been the best player on his team, and I don’t think he should have left school for the draft. Clearly NBA execs think otherwise, but I just don’t see this pick panning out. But who really pays attention to Portland anyway, right?Image result for zach collins draft
  11. Charlotte Hornets – Malik Monk, SG Kentucky: I was in complete shock that Monk fell this low in the draft, so this is a steal for the Hornets. I’m sure Michael Jordan is smirking with a cigar in his mouth somewhere, life is good for the GOAT, and it just got a lot better for Kemba Walker and company. Monk is a gifted scorer with extremely under utilized athleticism, and if he continues to improve and combine the two, I project him to be a big time star. I mean the guy dropped 47 on the eventual national champions, and eclipsed 30 points 3 other times during the season. He’s the real deal. Image result for malik monk draft
  12. Detroit Pistons – Luke Kennard, SG Duke: Kennard is definitely the epitome of a Duke basketball player, a guy who is just so easy to hate, but also so easy to love at the same time. Not only did Kennard inspire the greatest tweet of the year (courtesy of Barstool), but he has a silky smooth offensive game and he can fill it up in bunches, making him a lot of fun to watch, and a good candidate to improve Detroit’s offense, particularly from behind the arc.Image result for luke kennard draft
  13. Denver Nuggets (Utah) – Donovan Mitchell, SG Louisville: This pick leads me to think the the Jazz are anticipating the departure of Gordon Hayward. Regardless, Mitchell is an athletic SG with a lot of upside, and he showed flashes of how good he can be at the pro-level, so this is a solid all around pick for the Jazz. The Mormons have spoken, welcome to Utah Donovan Mitchell. Related image
  14. Miami Heat – Bam Adebayo: Adebayo had an underwhelming freshman season at Kentucky but it’s hard for me to hate any pick that Pat Riley and Erik Spoelstra make. Adebayo is a great athlete with a lot of potential, and I think the Heat develop him into a solid player.Image result for bam adebayo draft
  15. Portland Trailblazers (Kings) – Justin Jackson, SF North Carolina: This goes back to what I said before about the Kings and killing careers and just flat out doing stupid sh*t. They passed on Malik Monk at 10, and I thought okay fine, they have Buddy Hield, they don’t want a SG. Only for them to trade the pick, and draft Justin Jackson at 15. Like what the actual…I mean I know Jackson averaged 18 ppg, but I think he’s extremely overrated and only good for about 10 ignorant pull-up 3’s a game. I hope Malik Monk drops a 30 piece on you Sacramento, I really do. Image result for justin jackson draft
  16. Chicago Bulls (Minnesota) – Justin Patton, C Creighton: Most people probably didn’t even know that Creighton existed, but Patton is another long center that grew an insane amount in high school. He’s athletic, can shoot the 3, has guard skills, and a high motor, so I like this pick because I think almost anyone can contribute more than Gorgui Dieng in the long-run, and I think the Wolves thought the same thing with this pick. Plus paired with Towns in the frontcourt will relieve pressure  from Patton.Image result for justin patton draft
  17. Milwaukee Bucks – D.J. Wilson, PF Michigan: Wilson showed lots of potential at Michigan, and as one of the older guys in the draft he’s slightly more developed. He’s a solid offensive talent and should provide more offense and youth to a Bucks squad that could be scary in a few years. Solid pick.Related image
  18. Indiana Pacers – T.J. Leaf, PF UCLA: Ah T.J. Leaf. On paper he’s a great shooter, a stretch four who is like a Swiss Army knife, and he displayed this versatility by leading UCLA in scoring with 16.3 ppg. There’s no doubt that Leaf can play, but I can’t help but wonder if the play of Ball inflated his stock and made him appear to be a more attractive player than he really is We’ll have to wait on this one.Image result for tj leaf draft
  19. Atlanta Hawks – John Collins, PF Wake Forest: I love John Collins and this pick. By his second year he had developed into an unstoppable force in the paint for Danny Manning and Wake Forest, and while he’s not as good as another PF drafted from Wake, he’s a high energy guy who’s unstoppable in the paint. Unfortunately the NBA doesn’t really revolve around the paint anymore, so Collins will have to develop his jumper to become an impact player.Image result for john collins draft
  20. Portland Trailblazers (Kings) – Harry Giles, PF Duke: I just really hate everything the Kings do. De’Aaron Fox was a great pick, I just wish he wasn’t in Sac-town, but then they trade away the opportunity to pair him with Malik Monk and select Justin Jackson and Harry Giles. Don’t get me wrong, there was a time when Giles was the best player in the country, but that time is not today, and with two severe knee injuries, and even if Giles reaches his potential, I just don’t see Giles having any longevity in the league.Image result for harry giles draft
  21. Oklahoma City Thunder – Terrance Ferguson, SG Adelaide 36ers: Risky pick for the Thunder, but a great pick, because let’s face it, Andre Roberson is absolutely terrible. Before leaving for the outback, Ferguson was routinely torching fellow peers who went on to star in college this year, so the potential is there. The best part is he doesn’t even have to live up to it, all he has to do is make open 3’s when Westbrook dishes it out. Image result for terrance ferguson draft
  22. Brooklyn Nets – Jarrett Allen, C Texas: Jarrett Allen looks like he hasn’t been carded in a liquor store since he was 12 years old. The guy didn’t even bother to get a haircut for draft night, now that’s confidence. Unfortunately, New York teams always find a way to screw things up, so we’ll have to see how this pans out. But hey, anyone is better than Timofey Mozgov.Image result for jarrett allen draft
  23. Toronto Raptors – OG Anunoby, SF Indiana: This is a steal for the Raptors. Despite having surgery and an injury that caused him to miss the second half of the season, Anunoby is a freak athlete who can become a dynamic wing and defender for the Raptors. And they need all the help they can get with Kyle Lowry potentially being on the way out. I predict Drake will be rocking an Onunoby jersey by this time next year. It’s a 6 ting eh.Image result for anunoby draft
  24. Utah Jazz (Nuggets) – Tyler Lydon, PF Syracuse: Another long range shooter from Syracuse who more likely than not will disappear into the blackhole that is the NBA D-League. That’s about all I see here.Image result for tyler lydon draft
  25. Orlando Magic (76ers) – Anzejs Pasecniks, C Latvia: A 7 footer and friend of Kristaps Porzingis, but not nearly as gifted. The 76ers don’t really need another center, so this pick and trade was a bit puzzling to me, but hey, trust the process right?Image result for andrzej pasecniks draft
  26. Portland Trailblazers – Caleb Swanigan, PF Purdue: This pick came out of right field. I don’t think anyone had Swanigan going in the first round, but I don’t hate this pick. Swanigan is built for the NBA, which can’t be said about most picks, and I have a lot of respect for anyone that goes from being 300 plus pounds to one of the most dominant players in the country. Best of luck to Swanigan.Image result for caleb swanigan draft
  27. Brooklyn Nets (Lakers) – Kyle Kuzma, PF Utah: Even though Magic Johnson’s recent draft predictions have been God awful, I can’t help but think the Lakers got another Larry Nance Jr. type steal of a pick here, so shout out to them.Image result for kyle kuzma draft
  28. Los Angeles Lakers (Utah) – Tony Bradley, C North Carolina: Tony who? I watched a decent amount of college basketball this year, and the fact that I didn’t even know who this guy was when he played on the national championship team should say something. But again, the Mormons have spoken, and they see a bright future in Bradley I guess. Welcome to Utah.Image result for tony bradley draft
  29. San Antonio Spurs – Derrick White, PG Colorado: I thought the Spurs really missed out on a Spurs type player in Frank Mason, but I can’t hate on anything the Spurs do, because other than signing LaMarcus Aldridge, almost everything they do pans out. White is a dynamic guard who rose to the first round after having only one college offer coming out of high school, so he works hard for his success and should buy in to the Spurs system quickly.Image result for derrick white draft
  30. Utah Jazz (Lakers) – Josh Hart, SG Villanova: If you want to talk about late picks that go on to become great players or maybe even stars, this could be one of them. Josh Hart is a senior, a great leader, and he straight up gets buckets. Hart could develop into an extremely talented guard in the league, so I love this pick by the Lakers.Image result for josh hart draft

So now that draft night is over, it’s time to talk about the winners and losers. Some of the picks and moves in this years draft had me baffled, and like Stephen A. Smith said last night, there’s a lot to be said. So, here we go.


Minnesota Timberwolves: The Timberwolves are the clear cut winners of the night, adding Jimmy Butler, a top 15 player in the league, and giving up very little in the process. On top of that, they added another solid frontcourt player to pair with Karl-Anthony Towns. This team is young and talented, and with Tom Thibodeau reuniting with Jimmy Butler to provide veteran leadership, this team is scary.

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Cold like Minnesota, eh?

Los Angeles Lakers: The Lakers got their guy in Lonzo Ball, and they had a slew of picks in the first and second round to further boost their roster. I love Josh Hart and I think that Kyle Kuzma could pan out to be an under the radar player. The Lakers also added a solid center in Brook Lopez and dumped the contract of Mozgov and the immaturity of D’Angelo Russell in the process. With a young core and Paul George on the way, the Lakers are winners on draft night.

Boston Celtics: The Celtics have been winning on draft night since they traded KG and Paul Pierce for all these picks. Adding a player of Jason Tatum’s caliber to a 50 win team and the future is bright for the Boston Celtics.

Philadelphia 76ers: Markelle Fultz. Enough said. Trust the process.

Charlotte Hornets: I really love Malik Monk, and with his athleticism and scoring ability, I think he’s destined to become a star in the NBA. It’s not often a guy who had four plus 30 point games while absolutely dominating the competition slips to number 11, but it happened, and Charlotte is a winner because of it.


The Losers

Chicago Bulls: I just can’t help but think that the Bulls got finessed big time on the Jimmy Butler deal. Zach LaVine was becoming a star because of his ridiculous athletic ability, but following ACL surgery, I’m not sure how he’ll respond. On top of that, Kris Dunn had an underwhelming first season and he doesn’t solve the shooting problem that Chicago faces. To top it off, I’m not totally convinced that Lauri Markkanen is the next coming of Kristaps Porzingis, so for that, I’m calling the Bulls losers.

New York Knicks: It’s not often that the Knicks are winners on draft night, and this year is no different. Phil Jackson must’ve been too caught up in the zen, because I don’t see how you could leave Malik Monk and Dennis Smith Jr. on the board. Hopefully James Dolan had a good concert at least…

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Live look at Phil Jackson during the draft.

Sacramento Kings: When it comes to doing stupid stuff, the Kings are right up there with the Knicks. They drafted De’Aaron Fox, only to pass on the number 10 pick with Malik Monk on the board, trade it, and select a less talented shooting guard and an injury prone guy who’s likely to break down on the flight over. On top of that, the Kings then proceed to draft Frank Mason…Another point guard!? Wasn’t De’Aaron Fox supposed to be the answer? Sacramento is an NBA wasteland, time to move the Kings to Seattle.

Cleveland Cavaliers: Cleveland is almost a lock to win the Eastern Conference again next year, but with no draft picks and very little cap room, plus talk of Kyrie trade rumors and LeBron ditching the Land in a year, Cleveland won’t be able to get over the hump to beat Golden State, and as Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby taught me, “if you ain’t first, you’re last”. Cavs are losers here.

The Knicks Clearly Missed Out on a LEGEND Last Night

I think I speak for all Knicks fans when I say I can finally exhale since they didn’t trade Porzingis last night. Not saying it’s impossible, it would be a classic Knicks move to deal him AFTER the draft, but chances are KP will still be a Knick next season. As far as the draft pick, I don’t hate it. I’ll give Frank Ntilikina the benefit of the doubt I never gave Kristaps when he was drafted. However, I’d be lying if I said I was disappointed they didn’t take Malik Monk or Dennis Smith jr. The Knicks are notorious for missing future stars in the draft, particularly when they came one pick short of landing Steph Curry in 2008. Smith being drafted the pick after the Knicks’ gives him like a 95% chance of being an All-Star right there (can we take a second to acknowledge how dumb it is that ESPN does “All-Star” and “Bust” potential as percentages as if that makes any fucking sense? Thank you), but after this tweet I saw I’m upping that to an 150% chance that he’s gonna be a Hall of Famer. Yeah I’m doing the percents but mine actually make sense.

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As soon as I saw this, my heart dropped. I knew we had made another draft mistake.

dennis smith
Can only respect it

The best part of draft nights is always when they go back and find tweets from when the draftees were like 13 that are crazy embarassing. It blows my mind that these guys dont have someone go back and delete some of these before the draft but I’m sure as hell glad they don’t. When your franchise point guard describes his ability to “slang his wood” as a “God-given-talent,” you’ve won. Chalk last night up as a huge win for the Mavericks. I’d be surprised if this guy doesn’t win at least seven championships before he retires. Imagine if the Knicks would’ve paired this guy with Kristaps? That would’ve been a DM shooting combo for the ages, the REAL Splash Brothers. Legends aren’t made, they’re born. And Dennis Smith jr., my friends, is without a doubt a legend.

P.S. Even though this is already 100% my favorite draft night tweet of all-time, here are a few honorable mentions.

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My Strange Dreams: Story #1

I’m sure I’m not the only one to ever have weird dreams.  Whatever happens in our dreams, often stays in our heads. But not here at BTB Sports…here we break boundaries…here we even come up with material while we sleep…here we take you inside the minds of bloggers. 

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So here I am, with a group of friends, one of them being my actual friend in real life and the other being some person who I have never seen before, and we have this great (horrific) idea to start a band/singing group.

As dreams and only dreams can do, this idea takes off immediately, with no planning and certainly no talent, we aimed to make it big.

We affectionately named ourselves “The Watered Down Big Three” for some inexplicable reason and went on our way to making music.  The problem was, none of us knew how to 1) write songs 2) play instruments or 3) sing well, so we improvised by buying an expensive speaker system and a bunch of CDs that had famous songs, but without the words so we can sing them and practice.

As time went on (roughly 1.8 seconds in dream time), we took off. Our talentless and musicless group miraculously found ourselves with a MASSIVE fan base without even releasing one song.  And before we knew it, we had our first booking at what seemed to be a fancy Outback Steakhouse with a stage and it’s own boardwalk. I don’t know, it was wild. And we were PUMPED.

To our delight and surprise, THOUSANDS of people showed up and piled into this weird and poorly-branded restaurant/possible steakhouse to watch these three awful performers sing songs that they hadn’t even made yet. I guess my mind was trying to tell me people will spend money on literally anything if food is involved.

So with us being the main event of the night, we plopped our really, really expensive speaker right on stage and got out our CDs,  and then realized something…we knew literally zero songs.

Since the songs on the CDs just had music and no words we couldn’t even fake it because none of us knew the songs that well to begin with. Like we knew the popular parts only. Disaster strikes immediately.

So we got on stage, with again THOUSANDS of fans looking at us, people in the restaurant peeking over shoulders and booths to get a peek at the rising stars…at us. And we stand there, with some microphones in our hand…

In absolute silence.

Nobody in the band said a word in real time for about three minutes before I finally said “Alright, let’s start this thing” trying to get the crowd riled up, but they weren’t buying it. Our gig was up.

So we turn on the CDs because that was literally all we had and we start singing “Wagon Wheel” by Darius Rucker in complete disharmony. Every note was off-pitch, we were saying lyrics at different times, and the singing was absolutely horrible, the worst part of the whole show.

The crowd looked on in disbelief and before you know it, everybody had a meal and was looking down at their food to avoid eye contact with us while we were parading around in circles trying to learn how to sing.

So we call a timeout or intermission or whatever and we walk off into the boardwalk that is conveniently behind the stage and discuss a game plan for what to do while thousands of people wait inside.  It’s literally like Superbad but instead of getting alcohol to a party we’re live performing nothing.

Like geniuses, we conjure up some idea to do the exact same thing we were doing before, except we sing the song “Four-Five Seconds” with Kanye and Rihanna.  We go absolutely IN, like hardcore.  We’re dropping to our knees, singing our balls off, and we still are terrible.

Soon enough, we recognize our own failure, call it a night, walk off the stage into the sunset to mostly silence with some boos tastefully sprinkled in.

After that, we got together again on the boardwalk (not sure how we got there if you can only get there through the restaurant), and agreed to called it quits since none of us had any musical abilities nor could we remember any lyrics to any songs.

Just as soon as it came, it ended…”The Watered Down Big Three” was no more.

LESSON LEARNED: People always say “Follow your dreams”. Yeah, well…don’t.