Clooney Remains Unbeaten at Life

George Clooney’s life is tough. Nothing seems to ever go this guy’s way. Keep your head up all star – you’ll get your big break one day. This expression is thrown around a lot, but this man is simply unreal. Like not real. This man’s life is an endless cycle of straight W’s and I’m not even mad about it. I literally eat this shit up. I’ve never seen a life more flawless. Has donned the honor of Sexiest Man Alive, check. Plays Danny Ocean in Ocean’s trilogy, check. Silver fox hair that makes the models of Just For Men wake up in cold sweats at night, check. Got married later on in life so he could make love to the most beautiful women on earth, check. Married to a smoke from a foreign country that’s a world diplomat, check. His teeth are so perfect they’ve been said to have been the soul reason people go into the dentistry field. BRAD PITT IS HIS SIDE KICK. Must I go on? This man has life on an absolute leash. Just repeatedly making it his bitch day in and day out. But of course, when it rains it pours. Clooney is now selling his tequila company he made as a small hobby for $1 Billion.

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HA HA! Whoops!! God dammit Clooney I can’t even hate you. To answer the question that no one asked me, no, this doesn’t surprise me one bit. For George its just another day at the office. Bravo Clooney, keep doing you, you incredible, incredible specimen of human life.

Read This NBA Mock Draft So You Can Pretend Your Team Has a Chance at Beating the Warriors in Three Years

The NBA Draft is pretty cool because thanks to the popularity of college basketball and March Madness, the fans already know of a lot of the players drafted. I’m not gonna try and guess who every team takes, I’m gonna say who I would take if I was their GM. Do I have the expertise to be an NBA executive? Phil Jackson is listening to trade offers for Porzingis right now, so I at least feel confident I could do a better job running a team than him. I’m only gonna do the lottery teams because the whole first round is a lot of players, and for the most part guys are only making a marginal difference once you get later in the first round. Here goes nothing.

1. Philadelphia 76ers – Markelle Fultz, Freshman PG, Washington

Huge trade for the Sixers to move up to #1 to get Fultz. He’ll be paired with last year’s #1 overall pick in Ben Simmons to immediately form one of the more exciting backcourts in the league. Interestingly enough, neither of their teams made the tournament when they played in college. Does that at all affect how they’ll play in the NBA? Nope, but that seems to be a big talking point among NBA fans for some reason. Everyone knows players like Adam Morrison who won a lot of games in college fare much better in the league. These two along with Joel Embiid and Dario Saric makes it look like #TheProcess will finally start to turn into some Ws for Philly.

2. Los Angeles Lakers – Lonzo Ball, Freshman PG, UCLA

Had to look this guy up. Hadn’t heard of him but he seems pretty solid. For real though, as much as LaVar is a douchebag, I’m all-in on Lonzo. You don’t get compared to Jason Kidd if you’re a scrub. He’s a great distributor and playmaker with deep range from three. He’s gonna have to get his release point a little higher on his shot to fully utilize his 6’6 frame, but if the Lakers surround him with shooters we could be seeing Showtime 2.0 in the near future.

3. Boston Celtics – Josh Jackson, Freshman SF, Kansas

A lot of people are saying they’ll go with Tatum here, and I don’t really think they can go wrong. However, if the Celtics trading down showed one thing besides them not believing Fultz will turn into a star, it’s that Isaiah Thomas seems to be their guy at point guard moving forward. If that’s the case, they’re going to have to surround him with elite defenders (since he’s basically a traffic cone on that end of the floor), and Jackson projects to be one in the NBA.

4. Phoenix Suns – Jayson Tatum, Freshman SF, Duke

The Suns snag who some call the draft’s best player in Tatum at #4. He is easily the draft’s most offensively complete player, and he and 2015 #10 pick Devin Booker could be a high-scoring duo that would be a lot of fun to watch. The Suns haven’t really made any noise since the Steve Nash era, but Tatum could help bring them back to relevancy in the tough Western Conference.

5. Sacramento Kings – De’Aaron Fox, Freshman PG, Kentucky

The John Calipari product is extremely fast with the potential to become an All-Star at point guard, something the Kings desperately need since Ty Lawson is not the long-term answer at that spot. Plus his dad made sure to remind everyone what he did in his head-to-head matchups with Lonzo, so there’s that.

6. Orlando Magic – Jonathan Isaac, Freshman PF, Florida State

Isaac will stay in the state of Florida and go to the Magic at #6. A 6’11 forward with 3-point shooting ability, Isaac has tremendous upside. Add him to a frontcourt that already includes Aaron Gordon and Nikola Vucevic, and the Magic may have some reason for hope.

7. Minnesota Timberwolves – Lauri Markkanen, Freshman PF, Arizona

The Timberwolves are on the cusp of competing in the West with Karl-Anthony Towns, Andrew Wiggins, and Zach LaVine all looking like future stars. Markkanen could slide in as their starting power forward as this dynamic young team continues to build. (I already kind of hate this guy for no reason because the Knicks are considering trading Porzingis and “replacing” him with another tall white shooter but as long as that doesn’t happen I’ll have no problem with him).

8. New York Knicks – Malik Monk, Freshman SG, Kentucky

The Knicks actually have a draft pick this year, which means there’s a 99% chance whoever they take here will turn out to be terrible. But Monk could be a Garden sensation, as he was an electric scorer at Kentucky. He even scored 47 points in a game against eventual-champion North Carolina early in the year. As a Knicks fan, your first thought isn’t “will this draft pick help us compete?”, it’s “will this draft pick make the games somewhat watchable next season?” Let’s hope Porzingis is still there by the time Monk makes his NBA debut.

9. Dallas Mavericks – Dennis Smith, Freshman PG, N.C. State

The Mavs need a point guard, and Smith fits the bill. His superior pick-and-roll game should be a great fit for Rick Carlisle’s system.

10. Sacramento Kings – Luke Kennard, Sophomore SG, Duke

The Kings need shooters, and Kennard can definitely shoot. The Duke sophomore has been called the “white James Harden” by one of my friends, and possesses the ability to put on a clinic from deep at any time. He also gave us one of the best tweets in college basketball last year.

11. Charlotte Hornets – Donovan Mitchell, Sophomore SG, Louisville

Kemba Walker has exceeded expectations at point guard, and Frank Kaminsky could develop into a reliable frontcourt player. Mitchell will be a good backcourt partner for Walker to work with.

12. Detroit Pistons – Zach Collins, Freshman PF/C, Gonzaga

Collins and Andre Drummond could give Detroit an exciting frontcourt of the future.

13. Denver Nuggets- OG Anunoby, Sophomore SF/PF, Indiana

Anunoby will bring the hard-nosed defense the Nuggets need, and his offensive game has a lot of upside.

14. Miami Heat – Frank Ntilikina, International PG, Strasbourg

Didn’t you kind of just forget the Heat existed after LeBron and Wade left? Same here. The Big 3 days are far in the rearview mirror, but Hassan Whiteside, Justise Winslow, and the rejuvenated Dion Waiters make for a bright future for the Heat. Ntilikina was previously rumored to go as high as 6, so it would be a steal to grab him here at 14.

That’s a wrap. Don’t agree? Don’t like it? Sue me. (Not actually though, the theory that unpaid college bloggers are rich is actually a huge misconception.)

Make sure to tune into the draft Thursday night to possibly see LaVar go on a rampage when the Lakers don’t take Lonzo, the Knicks inevitably take the wrong guy at #8, and awkward interviews with Europeans who can’t really speak English. Gotta love the NBA!

New Study Finds Fantasy Draft Busts Are The Leading Cause of Depression in American Sports Fans

This one goes out to my man Stanzo sitting pretty at a 2-9 record and currently tied in the cellar of our league with Tat (in all honesty they make a great couple). Now you and I both know Stanzo isn’t an idiot when it comes to baseball (Tat is a different story, I mean the dude IS a Mets fan), there’s no reason his season has been such a disaster for him…aside from the fact that his first ten rounds of the draft ended up netting him some pocket lint and a stick of gum rather than any impact players.

We’ve all been there before, doesn’t matter what fantasy sport you play. I can picture it now, a naïve young man (or middle-aged dude, I don’t judge mostly because I’ll also be the middle-aged dude still playing fantasy in my parent’s basement), wide-eyed and excited to draft his team. The team that is going to take him to the Promised Land…would be a shame if something happened to that perfect lineup he envisioned. You know something like the ace you drafted pitching like a Double-A fourth starter (see Danny Salazar and/or Jose Quintana). Sometimes you just don’t have it, but when your entire team ends up being full of busts that’s the moment when you 1. Start to believe in God and 2. Start to wonder what you did to him to piss him off so bad that he completely screwed your season. Now I don’t know God personally but I’ve got to believe he’s got some kind of grudge against Stanzo, I mean look at his first 10 picks and you tell me the guy upstairs didn’t have something to do with this nightmare of a season.

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Round 1: Manny Machado

Round 2: Miguel Cabrera

Round 3: Trea Turner

Round 4: Carlos Gonzalez

Round 5: Aroldis Chapman

Round 6: Jose Quintana

Round 7: Danny Duffy*

Round 8: Julio Teheran

Round 9: Danny Salazar

Round 10: Addison Russell

Start of the season this is a squad I absolutely do not want to play against. I mean Quintana and Salazar should have both been fantasy aces with Duffy and Teheran slotted in to be above average starters. Instead Salazar pitched his way to the minors and then the bullpen and then the DL, Quintana won his first start since May 2nd and has pretty much pitched just as bad as Salazar. Duffy is on the DL and Tehran has been a joke for the Braves this year after pitching like a future ace last year. The position players haven’t been much better with CarGo basically contributing nothing to the Rockies being in 1st, Machado batting close to the Mendoza line and Addison Russell playing closer to my skill level than the one that saw him hit 20+ dingers last year. The only thing Turner can do is steal a base, and that’s if he even gets on base, Cabrera is Cabrera but even he is having a down year by his standards, and Chapman was on the DL for all of May and most of June. I feel bad picking on Stanzo, but this is the worst collapse of a great team since the 2011 Braves and Red Sox both blew huge leads going into the final month of the season to miss the playoffs. Side note: That Red Sox season was my favorite since they missed the playoffs with a 90-72 record, but like senile John Sterling always says “You can’t predict baseball Suzyn.”

Sometimes you just don’t have it in the cards, and I can tell you right now that Stanzo is a stronger man than I am because if this ever happened to me I would question my entire existence and give up sports forever. Pour one out for a lost season for my man, he could use the prayers.

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This is a cautionary tale for all of you fantasy players out there that think “oh that’ll never happen to me”, because it can and it will. Beware of the collapse, it can come at any time and without warning. If you feel a sudden onset of losses and slow starts have since turned into slow seasons call one of our hotlines so that our trained professionals can keep you from giving up on sports forever. Call before it’s too late.

With the Second Overall Pick In the 2017 NBA Draft, the Los Angles Lakers Select…LaVar Ball?

By this time tomorrow, the 76ers will already have taken Markelle Fultz with the first overall pick, which brings us to possibly the most anticipated pick of the night. By now, Adam Silver will strut out onto the stage, smile because everyone likes him better than David Stern (Sorry David, this hurts because you’re an RU alum, but nobody likes you), and will say, “With the second overall pick in the 2017 NBA Draft, the Los Angeles Lakers select….LaVar Ball?”.

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“Yeah baby, that’s me.”

Yup. You heard that right.

Now for months everyone has been talking about Lonzo Ball and the Lakers acquisition of the number two pick. Obviously nobody is talking about drafting his father LaVar, that would be ludicrous. But maybe we should be, and here’s why.

  1. LaVar Ball is a showstopper. It goes with out saying that the guy is an entertainer, and in LA, that’s what its all about. LaVar is a BIG BALLER, and that’s just what a storied franchise like the Lakers needs. Plus the man is responsible for turning his sons into a family wrecking crew on the court, and in his prime he could beat the GOAT Michael Jordan 1 v 1. Sounds like trouble for opposing teams and a guarantee to sell out the Staples Center every night, plus the young guys on the team could really benefit from his veteran presence.

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    A veteran presence is essential in every winning locker room to tell the young guys when to “stay in their lane”.
  2. Magic Johnson literally has no idea what he’s talking about. If Magic Johnson’s previous predictions are any indication, then maybe the Lakers and Rob Pelinka should consider taking a slightly different path during the draft. Johnson has compared Lonzo to some great guards and says that he has all the ability to be a star in the league. Normally it would be an honor receive such praise from a great like Johnson, but it might be more of a curse. Considering Magic said Michael Carter-Williams was the next coming of Jason Kidd, perhaps the Lakers should shake it up at number 2…bring in the old man!Image result for magic johnson nba tweets
  3. Lonzo will be a bust. For all the great plays he makes, Lonzo Ball definitely comes with some flaws. He has underwhelming athleticism, and he really isn’t that great at breaking guys down off the dribble. He shoots like a fourth grader who has to heave the ball across his body to reach the rim, making it hard to pull up while driving to the basket, and making his stepback predictable. Today, the league has no place for pass first point guards, which is why scorers like Steph and Kyrie thrive, sorry Lonzo but nice guys finish last. Finally, as De’Aaron Fox’s dad so astutely pointed out, his son “ate that ass up twice” in their two meetings this year. If you’re going to draft an underwhelming player, might as well draft the king of it, because who else makes averaging 2.2 points per game look so good?Image result for lavar ball 2.2
  4. LaVar Ball is the best trash talker since Reggie Miller. The guy is already the center of attention, and if the Lakers draft his son, they’re getting him as part of the deal anyway. Might as well suit him up and throw him out on the court, the guy doesn’t back down, and his trash talking ability is an x-factor.

Obviously the Lakers can’t and won’t draft LaVar Ball on draft night, and now that D’Angelo Russell has been traded to the Brooklyn Nets, it seems to be a lock that the Lakers will select Lonzo with the number 2 pick. Initially I hoped that the Lakers would pass on Lonzo, because I genuinely believe that De’Aaron Fox is the better player and because I thought it was ridiculous that LaVar could dictate what team his son played for. With that being said, there is no question that Lonzo has incredible talent, and as draft night approaches, I hope to see him succeed in the league regardless of where he is drafted. Only time will tell if he lives up to the hype, or if he is just the next lottery pick to bust…

 

Mock NHL Expansion Draft

Stanzo’s Editor’s Note: Posting this a mere 3 hours before the expansion draft as names have already started to leak is classic BTB Sports. But your boy Phil wrote another dope article so shut up and read it.

For all the people who closely follow the NHL, or even just their home team, this week is like a week long Christmas morning. On Saturday, the 30 NHL teams submitted their protected lists consisting of 7 forwards, 3 defensemen, and 1 goalie, or just 8 positioned players. Following that, the newest addition to the NHL, the Las Vegas Golden Knights, get to draft one player from each team that hasn’t been protected. They had until this morning to submit their list and the team will be revealed tonight at 8pm. Yesterday Adidas revealed all new (although most are generally the same) jerseys that the teams will carry for this coming year. The full schedule will be announced Thursday at 3pm, and to top off an eventful week, the draft will be held in Chicago on Friday at 7pm. An all around crazy week for hockey fans with loads of excitement surrounding this Vegas team.

 

It’s important to note that with the 30 players Vegas will be selecting from a plethora of talented players left unprotected that they have some restrictions and have to meet guidelines.

  1. Vegas must select 14 forwards, nine defensemen and three goaltenders.
  2. Vegas must select a minimum of 20 players who are under contract for the 2017-18 season.
  3. Vegas must select players with an aggregate Expansion Draft value that is between 60-100% of the prior season’s upper limit for the salary cap. (So roughly 43$ million)

 

Now Vegas can go many directions with this draft. Some of the guys available are older, more expensive players that they may take just to make it to the cap minimum. Some guys will be younger, less expensive, and maybe not as proven in the League, but could provide key depth for their future. There are rumors regarding teams offering their first round pick in this years draft  in exchange for Vegas not selecting their unprotected players. Vegas could go with this route and aim to stockpile draft picks and build their organization from within. Whatever way they decide to handle the draft, these are the players I see most fitting with the newest expansion team.

 

*I didn’t take into account potential trades to keep players protected since the Vegas GM has noted they have locked in at least six trades already

 

 

Anaheim Ducks

Johnathan Bernier (G). Bernier will most likely be the backup net minder in Vegas, or even trade bait  since the team has plenty of goalies to choose from. Backups in the league are becoming more and more necessary to make a deep run at the cup and this guy is the perfect fit for that.

 

Arizona Coyotes

Alexander Burmistrov (F). At just 25, the 6’1 180 lb center has great potential. He is a former first round pick and given the right teammates, I believe he can prove his offensive talent.

 

Boston Bruins

Malcolm Subban (G). Yes this is PK Subban’s little brother. Kid will probably sit in the minors till he proves to be more consistent, but the most valuable on the B’s unprotected list.

 

Buffalo Sabers

William Carrier (F). Gonna be honest here… didn’t know who this guy was but a lot of experts had him being selected so i’ll roll with it. He’s 22 and was a second round pick so that probably has something to do with it.

 

Calgary Flames

Matt Stajan (F). He’s 33 but can be a key depth guy with 401 points and almost 1000 games under his belt.

 

Carolina Hurricanes

Lee Stempniak (F). People may disagree with this since Carolina has some younger guys that Vegas can go with, however Stempniak can score and this is good for the Knights for two reasons. One, they will need some sort of offense outside of the younger, undeveloped guys they are going to draft, and the veteran can provide that. Two, he can be dished out at the trade deadline to a team needing a quick fix to their offense in return for some key pieces.

 

Colorado Avanalche

Mikhail Grigorenko (F). This guy is huge. 6’3 210 lbs as a center is pretty big. He’s a physical youngster that can score. Still has time to develop since he’s only 23.

 

Columbus Blue Jackets

Sam Gagner (F). The Jackets are in trouble. They’ve got key guys unprotected like Jack Johnson and Josh Anderson (17 goals last season). Assuming Columbus doesn’t work out a trade to keep those guys, Gagner would be the pick. Experts are picking Matt Calvert to go to Vegas.. why? Gagner is the same age, body size, and holds much more experience and talent. The circus continues for the former sixth overall pick.

 

Dallas Stars

Cody Eakin (D). The Stars are gonna miss this guy. A solid and proven blue-liner with some offensive flashes.

 

Detroit Red Wings

Peter Mrazek (G). Another very solid goaltender to the Knights. Why he was left unprotected for the 33 year old Jimmy Howard I will never figure out. They have virtually the same stats.

 

Edmonton Oilers

Griffin Reinhart (D). Another young prospect with tremendous size at 6’4.

 

Florida Panthers

Johnathan Marchessault (F). Here’s a list with some really good names on it. Ultimately, I went with Marchessault, despite his size at 5’9, because he’s coming off a year in which he scored 30 goals. Another great young forward.

 

Los Angeles Kings

Brayden McNabb (D). The LA defensemen is a great kid to have in your system. He’s a shut down defenseman that can play good minutes down the road. Sorry Kings fans, you’re still stuck with Dustin Brown.

 

Minnesota Wild

Eric Staal (F). I don’t know what Minnesota’s GM was thinking leaving their leading goal scorer unprotected for a guy who has one proven season (Granlund). Staal is a guaranteed 20 goal scorer, and the time is now for Minnesota. They need guys like him on their team if they want to make the push deep in the playoffs.

 

 

Montreal Canadians

Nikita Nesterov (D). This is a promising young blue-liner. He’s just as good or even better than some of the other defenseman Montreal can offer.

 

Nashville Predators

James Neal (F). Unless there’s a trade we don’t know about, Neal will be the one to go. They should’ve protected Scissons in my opinion, but Neal is great option for Knights. This guy can really play. Could be extremely valuable trade bait at the deadline.

 

New Jersey Devils

Dalton Prout (D). Another guy I really don’t know much about but he’s young!

 

New York Islanders

Ryan Strome (F). Screwed with a capital F. They’re close to the cap as is, so replacing whoever they lose will be tough. They’re probably dealing out a first round pick(s) to the Knights to protect guys, and  Mikhail Grabovski still isn’t cleared to play. I would love to see Vegas fuck them over and take one of the three guys they’re going to beg to keep protected in Haan, Nelson, and Strome.

 

New York Rangers

Michael Grabner (F). They have a questionable list of players left exposed including Jesper Fast and Tanner Glass. These are key depth guys to a Rangers team that values its scoring since Hank seems to be not his usual King-like self these days. I would’ve exposed Nash, he sucks. Grabner is a scorer, something Vegas will need a lot of to keep pace in their division.

 

Ottowa Senators

Mark Methot (D). A phenomenal, physical, shut down defender. Ottawa couldn’t protect him and its a shame they will be losing such a valuable piece to their playoff run.

 

Philadelphia Flyers

Michael Neuvirth (G). This was a tough choice for me. Michael Raffl is a solid two way forward that can play anywhere in the lineup that may catch Vegas’ eye. However, Neuvy was drafted in Washington by the Vegas GM and he speaks very highly of the Flyers backup goaltender. Stay away from Jordan Weal Vegas, he’s ours.

 

Pittsburgh Penguins

Marc-Andre Fleury(G). Everyone knows it. The inconsistent goaltender waved his no-movement clause just so he could go play for the Knights. He should be the starter and steal them some wins out in the City of Lights.

 

San Jose Sharks

Mikkel Boedker (F). At first I was thrown off to see Patrick Marleau, Joe Thornton, and Joel Ward on the exposed list. But then I remembered the entire Sharks core is from like the 1990 draft. I would love to see Vegas’ GM take one of those guys just to troll them. Boedker is a solid depth guy.

 

St. Louis Blues

Robert Bortuzzo (D). Guy’s a lock down defender at 6’4. Should be valuable for the Knights.

 

Tampa Bay Lightning

Andrej Sustr (D). I’ve always thought the Lightning had a very underrated defense since Victor Hedman gets all the praise. Outside of him, they have a lot of key pieces including Sustr, who is a very solid pickup by Vegas.

 

Toronto Maple Leafs

Seth Griffith (F). Honestly I had no clue who to go with on the Leafs list. So I followed the trend and went with another young forward.

 

Vancouver Canucks

Luca Sbisa (D). At 27 this guy has almost 500 games played. He can be a valuable leader to the youngsters of the team while still developing himself.

 

Washington Capitals

Nate Schmidt (D). Holy talent. There’s a lot of free agents on Washington’s exposed list that can still come back so thats not an issue. They sort of schemed the system by doing that. Schmidt is on the younger side of the list to choose from for Vegas. His playoff experience is a great asset to own.

 

Winnipeg Jets

Marko Dano (F). A prospect that has shown flashes of offensive talent in Winnipeg.

 

 

 

Everyone wants to see Vegas compete in their first year and with this roster I’m sure they will. Look for plenty of trading to be done once this list is announced.

There is Something About White-Haired Crazy Guys That Runs Deep in the Blood of the Chicago Cubs

If you don’t know who Harry Carey is, he is the former Cubs announcer who likely had Mad Cow’s Disease for a large portion of his life.  He coined the phrase “Cubs Win!!” (rather creative), but most people know him from Will Ferrell’s iconic portrayal of him on SNL.

But there may be a new crazy, white-haired man in Chicago, and his name is Joe Maddon.

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Baseball is a game of patterns and conformity.  Things are done certain ways in certain situations because it is logical.

He has turned the Chicago Cubs upside down in wake of a mediocre season following a magical one.  Maddon has been starting reliever Mike Montgomery batting traditional three-hitter Anthony Rizzo leadoff.

A leadoff hitter is supposed to be somebody who is fast, sees pitches, and gets on base. Rizzo is a power hitting, slow, first baseman who usually spanks the first fastball he sees.

But you know, baseball is weird.

Anthony Rizzo is absolutely lighting it up. In his first seven games as a leadoff hitter he is hitting .429 with two doubles, one triple, four home runs, seven runs and 10 RBIs, via The Chicago Tribune. 

Joe Maddon has a reputation for being a little off the beaten path with his coaching methods, and this is really just an effort to try and shock the Cubs back into excellence, but there are not many people who this would work for other than crazy Joe.  Rizzo has found his stroke, and it seems like the Cubs have found their stride this year.