Throwback to One of the Greatest Videos to Ever Grace the Internet

As a big LeBron fan who also can’t stand Kevin Durant, the first two games of the Finals haven’t exactly been what I was hoping for. So I’m not gonna write about them. Because I don’t know about you guys but if I see one more “Is KD better than LeBron now?”, “Are the Warriors the best team of all time?”, or “Will LeBron leave Cleveland again?” article, I’m gonna lose it like Lamar Odom post-Khloe (Tristan Thompson’s play through the first two games has kept the Kardashian curse alive, by the way.) So let’s throw it back to two of the more lovable NBA players of the past decade, Nick “Swaggy P” Young and Gilbert “Agent Zero” Arenas.

Basically, if you haven’t seen this video, Gilbert shows up to Swaggy P’s house shortly after his breakup with Iggy Azalea and makes himself at home. I don’t wanna spoil anything, so watch and enjoy.

First of all, NoChillGil may be the most fitting Snapchat username of all time. Guy is a straight savage. There are a few snaps in the video that are genuine laugh out loud worthy, but the last one does it for me. “Making room for your IG bitches” is just about as classic of a line as you can get.

Screen Shot 2017-06-05 at 8.22.22 PM

So as far as the best NBA duos go, LeBron and Kyrie or Steph and KD don’t even come close to Gilbert Arenas and Swaggy P. Or Swaggy P and his IG bitches.

Top Five Ugliest Players in the NBA Finals

First off, this list is long overdue. Ugly players come and go, but these players are on the biggest stage in the world right now, and there is no hiding. These are guys playing in front of millions of fans that in reality shouldn’t be allowed in public, let alone a professional court.

5. Channing Frye

Image result for channing frye

At first glance, he’s not that bad.  Good skin, good facial hair.  Take a second look though. His eyes are all crooked, he’s got elephant ears, and his head is uncomfortably long. He just defines the term “asymmetrical”.

4. Matt Barnes

Image result for matt barnes

One thing about Matt Barnes is his shot is probably uglier than him, but that doesn’t excuse his fish eyes.  Personally, I’m not a fan of tattoo sleeves, but some people pull it off. Matt Barnes…you do not, and Kobe still didn’t flinch.

Image result for matt barnes gif

3. Draymond Green

Related image

His goatee looks like it was Sharpied on, for starters. His ears look like they start on the back of his neck and his nose pretty much takes up his whole face.  Maybe it’s just this picture because there’s times when I’ve seen not look as miserable, but wow this one is bad.

2. James Jones

Related image

James Jones looks forty years older than he actually is, and his eyebrows can simply be mistaken for wrinkles. There’s also something about the tip of his head that severely pisses me off.  Overall, it just kind of looks like his face is being stretched outward.  Confirmed…ugly.

  1. Zaza Pachulia

Image result for zaza pachulia

This guy makes the the Hunchback of Notre Dame look like John Stamos.  His face looks like he is suffering from a lifetime allergy attack.  I don’t want to beat a dead horse but Good Grief is this man hideous.

 

 

 

 

 

Kristaps Porzingis Confirms that 2017 is the Summer of Shooters

Being a Knicks fan is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. The best way I could describe it is going to a restaurant and ordering a hamburger, knowing you’ll be satisfied with just a mediocre hamburger. Instead, the chef comes out from the kitchen and beats you repeatedly with his dough roller. This goes on for the length of the NBA season, about six months. However, if there has been one bright spot about being a Knicks fan in the last five years, it’s 7’3 Latvian superhero Kristaps Porzingis.

This guy is a pleasure to watch play, and has become a role model for young Knicks fans everywhere. But that’s not just because of his play on the court. He’s also the man off of it. KP has been living life by the mentality of “Shooters Shoot.” This is not referring to basketball. Basically, “Shooters Shoot” is Porzingis’ version of Wayne Gretzky’s “you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take,” but referring to hitting on girls on Instagram.

Shooters do indeed shoot, and sometimes the shots go in. Look at this exchange KP had with smokeshow Abigail Ratchford earlier this year.

C5PpzdkVcAAOqyJ-670x1024-670x1024

From 3-point range!! Unfortunately, shooters also sometimes miss shots. If that was a three-pointer, commenting heart eyes on a picture of a girl who has a boyfriend must be a half-court shot. No way he would do that, right? Wrong. Why? Because shooters shoot, baby. This one did not turn out as well for everyone’s favorite neighborhood Latvian, as the girl posted this picture in response..

i1-680x1024

The bottom part translates to “Do you sleep peacefully, Kristaps Porzingis?” Ouch. This surely would have thrown him off, right? Wrong.

This guy, man. How can you not love him. If there is one thing we can learn from him, it’s to accept that not every shot will go in. Even Michael Jordan missed a few. But don’t let the missed shots get you down, keep putting them up like you’re LaMelo Ball in a 3-point contest.

Summer 2017 is officially the Summer of Shooters. Is everyone going to have the same level of success as a 21-year old millionaire NBA player? Probably not. But that does not change the fact that shooters shoot.

Shoot Your Shot Memes

Birds Fly High at Citi Field

Well gang, we now are aware that we have a famous reader following BTB… Mr. Met! How do I know that you ask? Well, did you see what happened Wednesday night after a supposed fan told him that I put the Mets AAA mascot on my “honorable mention” list for worst mascots in the Minor Leagues? Have a look:

Well… actually only some of that story is true. Yes, Mr. Met gave a fan the finger, but no it was not because I put the 51’s on my worst mascot list (however they would probably crack the top 5 after this stunt).

This jogged my memory to other mascot incidents sports has encountered in the past. Here are a few videos of some fan favorites:

How about a college example? In this clip the Ohio University Bobcat was supposed to have a fake tussle with the OSU Buckeye. As Ron Burgundy would attest… it escalated quickly internal fight and the Bobcat needed to be escorted off the field by the po-po.

We then move on to the Philly phanatic and Tommy Lasorda going at it. The two never got along, but this was one of their finest moments. Ultimatley, Lasorda got the best of the famous phanatic and taught him who’s boss.

Although planned, there is nothing like a Giant mythical bunny assaulting some of our founding fathers in the traditional President’s Race at Nationals Park. Personally, I think terrorists could be responsible for planting the rabbit but who am I to question.

Finally, in a non-violent example, here is a video of some sort of Rockets mascot (I don’t know what the Rockets mascot actually is and I don’t really care if this is the creature they use or not) scaring the pants off some players including Dwight Howard who answers with a kick in the jimmies.

Getting back on track… in the hours following this incident many have come out and said although Mr. Met’s actions were extremely uncalled for mascots do take a lot from fans. I am sure you can imagine (whether it be you or someone you know) what goes through a drunk fan’s mind when the mascot comes around. In an article by current ESPN Staff Writer and former Mr. Met, AJ Mass, (that’s right… there actually may be a future for the people in those costumes) mascots are known for taking a lot of crap. My favorite explanation from his piece is “I’ve been there. I’ve had beers poured on me. I’ve had drunken fans attack me from behind in an attempt to knock me to the ground. And yes, when the Mets were losing big — which happened quite a bit during my tenure in the suit, from 1994 to 1997 — I was on the receiving end of many four-letter words that weren’t ‘M-E-T-S'”.

In any case, it seems that Mr. Met has had enough of our shit, and he isn’t afraid to let loose anymore. Under that jolly old costume there is was an angry elf. That smile is just a mask for a mascot.

BTB Picks: NBA Finals

The 2017 NBA Finals have been hyped up more than global warming, and almost everybody in the Milky Way Galaxy knew this would be the matchup.  Fans are conflicted on who will come out on top since these are by far and away the two best teams in the NBA with a combined postseason record of 24-1.  Below are picks of who the writers at BTB think will take home the hardware this year.

PICKS

jimmyscalianfl: I’m expecting Golden State to start off fast in the first 2-3 games, followed by some minor bitching and moaning from Lebron. Cavs will pick up the slack, but Warriors will finish them off at home in game 7.

McGons: Cavs in 7. Warriors have added KD, but the Cavs have added a Kevin Love they didn’t see last year. He won’t be the MVP, but with the stars cancelling each other out, he will be the X-Factor.

Stanzo: Cavs in 4. Ayesha Curry tries to rush the court with the Warriors down 30 late in the 4th quarter of game 4 but James Jones comes out of nowhere and RKO’s the shit out of her. Confetti falls as the Cavs celebrate around her lifeless body, and LeBron supplants himself as the greatest of all-time.

Image result for ayesha curry crazy

Dave: Kathy Griffin in 1. 3 minutes in to the first quarter, Griffin runs on to the court with a machete. Heads chopped off left and right, K Love is the first to go (white, straight, potential conservative). As she holds the collection of NBA stars heads at center court, she beckons “Not my President!”

Drew Potolsky: Warriors; With 2 of the top 5, 3 of the All-NBA, and 4 of the top 20 players in the NBA in their starting 5, they’re just too much to handle for the Cavs. LeBron is playing on another level, but he always does in the playoffs. Kyrie is probably a top 10 NBA player in his own right, but I think the Warriors will really focus on shutting him down, especially after last year’s Finals and with him being easier to shut down than LeBron. K-Love is no slouch, but everyone was more afraid of him when he was bodying dudes in the paint in Minnesota. LeBron will get his, but with Klay taking a backseat on offense to focus on defense in this series, and due to KD’s arrival (who is also no slouch on defense), I think the Warriors are just too collectively good to lose to a team that seems to basically ride Kyrie and LeBron and then on ring chasing vets and role players.

Riebs: Warriors in 6; From my immense experience of watching not a single basketball game all season I’m going with the Warriors in 6. Gotta stay loyal to my fanship of west coast teams and I see Steph Curry at a lot of San Fran Giants games. I wouldn’t say I hate Lebron, but I just don’t love him. He’s obviously great, but I just don’t like rooting for him. I hope my mans K-Love puts together a great series to represent #mostunderratedplayerintheleague

Reis: Cavs in 7 in the greatest NBA finals of all-time. Every game is decided by less than 3, and LeBron averages a triple double, legitimizing his claim as the GOAT by taking down one of the greatest teams of all-time. Warriors take Game One, but Cavs take the series.

Image result for lebron

Tat: Cavs in 7, Lebron James is the GOAT and he’s not gonna let a baby face take his crown as the best player in the league. If Draymond kicks someone else in the nuts and grabs another game suspension then the Cavs in 6.
Bert: Warriors in 6.  I think people are overrating the Cavs just because of LeBron.  They are great and legitimately the only team that can match up against the Warriors.  But you have to remember this team was up 3-1 on this Cavs team last year, and it took a miracle for them to come all the way back. How did each team get better? The Cavs added Kyle Korver and Deron Williams, while the Warriors added Kevin Durant.  To me, the Warriors will be too much to handle.
Image result for warriors 2017
TOTAL VOTES
CAVALIERS: 4
WARRIORS: 4
KATHY GRIFFIN: 1

Developing Story: Does Masahiro Tanaka Have the Yips?

The Yips: Most common in baseball, The Yips happens when a baseball player no longer remembers what the hell is going on with his arm and cannot throw a ball anywhere near where he wants to.  It can result in absolute bombs thirty rows into the stands, embarrassment during easy games of catch, and the inability to be, what most people call, “good”.

See: Chuck Knoblauch

Image result for the yips chuck knoblauch

There have been A LOT of unexpected things to happen to the Yankees this year, and almost all of them have been good.  Starlin Castro is emerging as one of the league’s best second baseman, Aaron Judge is fighting for Rookie of the Year and MVP,  Brett Gardner learned how to use steroids, Luis Severino is throwing the ball like an ace, and we are in first place without Gary Sanchez, Aroldis Chapman, and Dellin Betances having to put the team on their back for all 162 games.

But if you told me at the beginning of the year that Mashiro Tanaka would be this terrible, I would’ve told you to watch this video and say one more bad thing about this man:

There is no time for questions, all I can confirm is that Japan has figured out entertainment for the rest of us, now we all just need to follow suit.

Regardless, Tanaka has been beyond dreadful this year, with the exception of his complete game gem against the Red Sox and last Friday night against the A’s.  With last night’s outing against the Orioles, he has now given up seven runs in three separate outings this year, and he is the farthest thing from our “ace”.

His line for the year, according to ESPN: 6.34 ERA, 5-5, 56 K’s in 61 innings and a WHIP of 1.52…not exactly the numbers we expect from a 2016 Cy Young candidate.

I thought Asians were supposed to be smart, but it’s a pretty dumb move, for a year that you have potential to opt out of a contract and steal more money from the Yankees than you currently are ($22 Mil per year), to take a ginormous shit on your team’s playoff chances. I don’t know, it could just be me though.

If the Yankees are gonna make a playoff run this year, Tanaka needs to get out of this funk he’s in, stop putting sliders on coat hangers, and find something close to his 2016 form.  Clearly the talent is there, we have seen it (rarely) in 2017.

Every championship team has a guy they can hand the ball to and say “Get. This. Done.” It’s hard to call Pineda that guy because he’s so inconsistent, Sabathia used to be that guy but he is getting old and his stuff isn’t what it once was, Severino is young and inexperienced, and Jordan Montgomery is still finding himself as a pitcher.  Therefore, Tanaka has to step up and figure out a way to be that guy.

The Yankees have been great this year in spite of his awful season, but I can’t wait to see where they can go with him pitching like he can…and should.

P.S.: Next garbage day in the Bronx, put Chase Headley out on the street and let’s go dumpster diving for a real third baseman please.

Twitter Needs an Age Maximum

The 2016 Election was basically won/lost on Twitter, which is pretty fucking scary considering the main reason I go on Twitter is for the memes, or maybe the occasional sports update. I’m not gonna get political at all here, because I’ll be damned if I ever write a politics-based article on this site. But can we acknowledge how cringe-worthy it is to see Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton use Twitter?

Late on Tuesday night, our fearless commander-in-chief The Donald fired off this head-scratcher.

Image result for trump confeve

…and then proceeded to not delete it or tweet again until the next morning. Literally reminds you of when one of your Grandparents is telling you a story and they just fall asleep in the middle of it. Also not really sure how the word covfefe even made it in there. Clearly he was trying to say coverage, but covfefe autocorrects to that. It happened to me like 3 times just now trying to type “covfefe” on my iPhone. Not sure how you do it, Donnie, but you do.

Image result for i'm not mad meme

Of course, this generated a response from the best Twitter comedian of our generation, Hillary Clinton. Let’s see what everyone’s favorite cool Grandma came up with.

Image result for confused meme

Just so painfully unfunny. If there’s one thing that’s a testament to how much people hate Trump, it’s the fact that this tweet has 200K retweets and almost 500K favorites. Hill-dawg just takes the word Trump misspelled and throws it into the old “don’t throw stones if you’re in a glass house” phrase? Really just almost as big of a head-scratcher as the original Trump tweet, but the way Twitter reacted you’d think she was funnier than Will Ferrell doing a movie with Jonah Hill.

If there’s one thing on the agenda for 2020, it’s regulating Twitter to no one over 40 unless people actually want to hear from you. Despite these being two of the most notable politicians and probably people of our generation, I think I speak for most people when I say they’re the last ones I wanna see on my Twitter feed.

#DerekJeter2020

Image result for derek jeter for president