It’s Time We Stop Letting Kevin Durant Off the Hook for the Problems He Has Caused in Brooklyn and Orlando

July 4, 2016. The 240th birthday of our beautiful country. But for one, it was a day they decided would make about themselves, and partially ruin the day for many American sports fans.

After blowing a 3-1 lead to the Golden State Warriors in the Western Conference Finals, Kevin Durant, arguably the second best player in the NBA, was leaving Oklahoma City to join this Warriors team. It is widely considered to be one of the softest moves in sports history, a move only a KowarD would make. The difference many saw in his move versus when LeBron James went to Miami was that Durant was joining a team that was already arguably the best in the NBA, and leaving a team that he had so close to the Finals, but couldn’t win one more against the Warriors. Now, you would think Kevin Durant and the Warriors would be prepared for the repercussions that this would come with, that most of the NBA would just simply hate them. However, despite the success of this season, Kevin and the Warriors are still constantly playing victim. Some of these include: Warriors ownership and Kevin Durant’s mother upset with the Thunder for not honoring Kevin Durant in his first game back in Oklahoma City, Draymond Green upset the four Warriors didn’t make an All-NBA team, and Green mad about the Cavs lack of competition in the Eastern Conference playoffs. I think it’s time we all feel bad for the Warriors. They have had a long and stressful season, and have an NBA Finals to worry about now, not the bullshit us fans are bashing them for.

When Kevin Durant signed with Golden State, most fans were upset that a league that had already become top-heavy was about to become even more top-heavy, and that the regular season would pretty much mean nothing. So far, both have those have been true, and the fans are really hoping it’ll be worth it in the third Finals meeting between Golden State and Cleveland. However, despite being four wins from his first title, Kevin Durant is still out here playing victim.

While many people tossed Duran’t latest claim aside and just said “okay, let’s just play the Finals already”, I won’t let Kevin play victim here, because when it comes to recent problems with the Brooklyn Nets and Orlando Magic, Kevin Durant is clearly at fault.

We’ll start in Orlando. Kevin Durant’s comment on the Magic not making the playoffs for the last 6 years is obviously not his fault, and is just a scapegoat for the other problems he has caused. He has been at the center of a string of very bad decisions by the Magic organization. The Thunder needed to create salary-cap room to resign Durant, so they sent Serge Ibaka to Orlando. Orlando wisely agreed to this trade, and sent back Victor Oladipo, Ersan Ilyasova, and 11th overall pick Domantas Sabonis. Midway through this past season, the Magic sent Ibaka to the Raptors for Terrence Ross, a downgrade. Essentially, the Magic traded those 3 players for Ross. Looking at it that way, this was a terrible trade, sending two young players, and another solid player for a streaky shooter who wasn’t even a starter for the Raptors. And how did this mess all start? With the Magic making a trade with the Thunder that would help OKC resign Durant. And then Durant didn’t even resign. If Durant didn’t cost so much that the Thunder would have create cap room and bait Orlando into a stupid trade, the downfall for the Magic would have never happened. What a selfish asshole. Orlando deserves an apology.

Now let’s go over to Brooklyn. As a Nets fan, the idea of signing Kevin Durant in 2016 was the dream I knew probably could never happen, but was one I had in the back of my head. A few years ago, when the Nets were actually good, the idea seemed better, and a fellow fan and I referred to this signing as #Durant2016. However, Billy King, using his great General Managing mindset (as always), realized this was not going to happen. The Nets finished the 2012-13 season in 4th place in the East (a huge improvement from 12th in 2011-12), but they were eliminated by the Bulls, WITHOUT Derrick Rose, in 7 games. Billy King knew if the Nets ever wanted to compete for an NBA Championship, they would have to acquire some players who were a little better than Gerald Wallace and Reggie Evans. Being that he would not be able to acquire Durant, King cracked under pressure and sent Brooklyn’s 2016, 2017, and 2018 first round picks, along with a few players, to the Boston Celtics for Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, and Jason Terry. And we all know how that has turned out. Kevin Durant has no way out of this one. If he had less skill, his asking price would have been lower. And if his asking price would have been lower, the Nets would have traded for Durant, not the old guys from Boston. And if the Nets had gotten Durant instead, they would be winning championships instead of handing the Celtics number 1 draft picks. Thank you for ruining the organization I grew up loving, Kevin.

What Kevin Durant did to the Thunder was pretty bad, but doesn’t even compare to what he did to the Nets and Magic. At least the Thunder still have an MVP on their team. Oh well. Kevin better hope the basketball God’s let his knees work this time against Cleveland.

What Grinds My Gears: Apple

You Know What Really Grinds My Gears…

 

Apple

 

But specifically, iPhones.

 

Because of how fucking EXTRA they are.

 

Like honestly, Apple, was it really that fucking necessary to remove that little jack that every goddamn pair of headphones/earbuds fits into? I actually couldn’t believe that when I first heard it. And then I got myself an iPhone 7, because as fucked as iPhones are, Androids and whatever other smartphones are out nowadays are more fucked than a Brazzers video.

 

Side note/tangent: Androids literally remind me of those dope T-Mobile sidekicks back in the day, but also kind of remind me of a Gameboy Advance. I don’t know why this comparison makes sense to me, but honestly “sense” is a relative term, and nowadays nothing really seems to make much sense. Like honestly, WHAT THE FUCK IS A FIDGET SPINNER?!?

 

Back to Apple.

 

Of course I was going to get the iPhone 7, because iPhones literally work for your 1st year and then in year 2 (standard data plans), the Apple company actually guarantees that you will need a new phone (has anyone in modern history ever had a phone last longer than 2 years? And at the end of the 2 years, it always seems as if my phone is “still alive but barely breathing” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yZ1uI5yPbY; this song honestly is not that chill, but everyone and their fucking mother knows it, and it’s really good to listen to if you’re trying to cry and get depressed). So anyway, when I got home from the Verizon store, because fucking Apple makes you place reservations like it’s fucking P.F. Chang’s just to ask a fucking question, I began to take all the shit out of the box that comes with an iPhone.

 

You know what’s in the box, right? The phone, a charging chord, the cube/brick/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit thing, but then something new appeared; called a splitter, its this small ass wire that you can attach to non-apple headphones/ear buds and aux chords for them to be compatible with the iPhone 7.

 

Wait…so you’re saying that if I don’t have this microscopic splitter thing, which is so easily identifiable as something that you will, without a doubt, wager your fucking house on it it’s so fucking obvious, lose, I can’t listen to music or play some fucking fire on the aux?

 

FUCK THAT!

 

Oh, and also, YOU CAN’T EVEN LISTEN TO MUSIC WHILE CHARGING YOUR PHONE!

 

Hey FUCKHEADS,

 

YOUR PHONE BATTERY IS NOT THAT GOOD STOP GASSING YOURSELVES UP LIKE YOU FOUND THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH YOU’RE A COMPANY NOT FUCKING MARCO POLO!

 

Do you know how much it fucking sucks to be on the A train subway that’s more packed than most WNBA games in the middle of a New York City Summer that’s hotter than the Warriors sandwiched in between a crackhead asking me for my fucking Nature Valley bar and some old shmuck reading the Wall Street Journal directly over my leg WITHOUT Rapcaviar on Spotify? Like, I had low battery, and I need my phone for work because I run around New York City, like I’m fucking Joseph Gordon Levitt from that bike delivery movie (Premium Rush; don’t waste your time, horrible fucking movie, to the point where I’d be wasting both our times giving you any sort of synopsis), all day delivering packages to places I’ve never been so I need Waze, because Google Maps gives worse fucking directions than whoever told Christopher Columbus that India was in the fucking Atlantic ocean.

 

Speaking on behalf of all of #TEAMIPHONE, fuck you Apple.

Why These NBA Finals Could Be More Entertaining Than Jersey Shore

Pretty bold headline, I know. But Cavs-Warriors round 3 could be better than “Gym, tan, find out who wrote the note.” (If you don’t like/haven’t seen Jersey Shore just stop reading and re-evaluate what you find entertaining)

Even though the NBA Playoffs have been worse than Angelina up to this point, I think I speak for all basketball fans when I say I’ve been looking forward to this series since Game 7 ended last year. We’ve never seen two teams breeze through their conferences like this before (Warriors 12-0 and the Cavs 12-1, respectively), and it’s blatantly clear that these are the two best teams in the league. Let’s break it down.

We’re Seeing the Best Version of LeBron

The guy who led the Finals in all 5 major stat categories last year is gonna need to have a similar performance for his Cavs to win. He’s been sensational in these playoffs thus far, averaging 32.5 points, 8 rebounds and 7 assists on 63% shooting, as well as 42% from three, both playoff career highs for the King. Aside from failing to show up in Game 3 vs. the Celtics, he’s been outstanding in each of the 13 games the Cavs have played up to this point. Will LeBron’s every move continue to be analyzed/scrutinized/criticized to the point where you’re asking yourself if everyone at ESPN is on meth? Unfortunately, yes. But the bottom line is that if LeBron keeps shooting as efficiently as he has been, especially from deep, he’s unguardable. I don’t care if he was being guarded by Kelly Olynyk or Jae Crowder in the conference finals and now he’s gonna be guarded by Klay Thompson and Draymond Green, there’s no way to guard LeBron’s skill set when he’s firing on all cylinders.

How Will the Warriors Handle Adversity?

The Warriors set yet another record, sweeping their way through the Western Conference, which no one had previously done. However, this is not necessarily all good. Aside from Game 1 against the Spurs when they came back from a 25-point deficit, they haven’t played any games that were particularly close in the playoffs. Who takes the last shot when it’s crunch time, Curry or Durant? How will these guys fare in high-pressure situations, especially on the road? Good news is, these guys have been here before. This will be most of the Warriors key players’ third straight Finals, and Durant was in the Finals back in 2012 against LeBron’s Heat.

Who Will Step Up?

A key to the Cavs’ victory last year was bench players such as Richard Jefferson playing well. They’ll surely need the bench to be a big factor again. Another former New Jersey Net could be the one to step up this year, Deron Williams has quietly been solid these playoffs, shooting 54% from the field as well as 50% from three. If he continues to play like this, the Cavs could have Quicken Loans Arena rocking like Continental Airlines Arena circa 2003 (before it became IZOD Center. Fuck the IZOD Center).

Will Ayesha Curry Continue to be Annoying as Hell on Twitter?

Steph’s wife stirred up so much drama on Twitter during last year’s Finals, you would’ve thought she was The Situation 2.0.

Image result for the situation quotes

After the Warriors’ Game 6 loss, the best shooter of all-time’s wife took to Twitter to voice her frustrations

Image result for ayesha curry rigged tweet

Brian Windhorst pointed out that if the NBA was rigged, then it would’ve been rigged for her husband to have won last year’s Finals, 73 regular season games, and 2 straight MVPs. I don’t really care what Ayesha tweets, but I do because the responses she gets are so damn good.

I’m never deleting Twitter.

All jokes aside, this series pins arguably the greatest NBA team on paper of all-time against arguably the greatest player of all-time playing at his best. Pressure is on KD to win and prove he did the right thing signing with the Warriors, and pressure is on LeBron to deliver Cleveland another championship. Waiting through 2 months of dreadful playoff basketball will be worth it to see these two teams match up.

Prediction

This Warriors team is good. Really good. As much as I hate Durant and Draymond and Klay, they are all All-Stars. The only way they could lose this series is if a few of them lose their 3-point stroke like they did at points in last year’s Finals. However, with Durant replacing Harrison Barnes (who was basically a traffic cone vs. the Cavs last year), that scenario is even less likely. But this is the best version of LeBron we’ve ever seen, I can’t pick against him when he’s playing like this. The Warriors are better than last year, but so are the Cavs. Cavaliers in 7.

 champagne jersey shore pauly d GIF

Odell Beckham Jr. Misses Another Day of OTAs, Giants Set To Go 0-16

Come on Odell. Giants just picked up your 5th-year option and this is how you repay them? I know why, it’s because you’re too preoccupied with hanging out with Drake, dancing (constantly, the dancing never fucking stops with him) and now a new shoe deal with Nike. Don’t bother being on my team with that bullshit.

Image result for odell beckham jr dancing
“Boy’s got some moves…” – Referee

Nah, I’m just joking.

Is Odell wrong for not going to OTAs? Yes. They’re an organized team activity that’s voluntary, but it’s basically like a “you should just go” kind of thing. Eli’s been on the team since 2004 and he’s there. Same goes for Janoris Jenkins, who broke bank last season. Just because he’s Odell doesn’t mean he should get a free pass.

Now…on the contrary, some Giants fans are fucking crazy. And there’s two types of crazy we’re talking about. Old Giants fans, and young Giants fans.

  1. Old Giants fans (noun)Image result for old new york giants fan
    • Giants fans that support the team but are always just grumpy when they watch the game, so then they wait for something bad to happen, therefore they can have a reason to be pissed off. Also hate:
      • Endzone celebrations
      • Players that get penalties
      • Players that are flashy, compared to an Eli Manning

So basically if you’re an old Giants fan, you have an issue with Odell Beckham Jr.

2. Young Giants fans (noun)Image result for new york giants fan

  • Giants fans that have a lot more passion for the team/games, but justify the actions for any player for their wrongdoings, even when they’re really wrong.
    • They usually spend 16 hours out of their day defending Odell’s actions.

It’s good to be somewhere in the middle on this scale. Bottom line is this. Is Odell a perfect person? No.

Is he the devil? I’d like to think not.

Okay so the guy missed OTAs, he doesn’t deserve to be burned at the stake. In games against the Ravens and the Cowboys, he put the team on his back by breaking routine slants to the endzone.

Image result for odell beckham jr. cowboys 2016

And he’s never created locker room issues. He’s not an issue to the team, but he can fix some things about himself, like anyone.

Johnny Football over Eli? 0-16 is looking a lot more realistic now…

What Is Albert Pujols’ Legacy?

With Albert Pujols approaching 600 career home runs, a feat only eight other players ever have accomplished, I felt now is as good of a time as ever to question his legacy as a baseball player. Is he first-ballot? Should he be considered one of the best first baseman ever? How does he stack up against the all-time greats?

With the seemingly early and forced retirement of Alex Rodriguez last summer, Albert Pujols became the active career home run leader in the MLB, where he currently sits at 597. Ahead of him are the following names: Sammy Sosa (609), Jim Thome (612), Ken Griffey Jr. (630) , Willie Mays (660) , Alex Rodriguez (696), Babe Ruth (714) , Hank Aaron (755), and unfortunately Barry Bonds (762).

Image result for pujols home run

Pujols is signed through 2021 with over $150 million dollars still owed to him, so I think it would be safe to assume, barring injury and “only” being 37, that he plays through these years.  So with 597 home runs, and averaging 25 home runs a year until that time, he would finish with 716 career home runs. That’s right folks, that’s better than Ruth.

Is he a first-ballot Hall of Famer?

Yes. 100%. Ken Griffey, Jr was unanimously voted in his first time eligible, and by the time Pujols is done, he will blow by some of his numbers.

Griffey, Jr.:  2,781 hits, .284 BA, 630 home runs, 1,836 RBI, one MVP, 10 Gold Gloves

Pujols: 2,867 hits, .308 BA, 597 home runs, 1,851 RBI, 3 MVPs, and 2 World Series rings

Essentially, the only things Pujols gets edged out in are fielding and stolen bases.  So based on the fact that the only person to ever be unanimously voted in the first ballot is not going to have as great career numbers as Pujols makes it pretty locked in that he will be first ballot.

Is he one of the best first baseman ever? 

ESPN asked this same question last year, and I agree with the list they put together.

5. Miguel Cabrera   4. Jimmie Foxx   3. Albert Pujols    2. Stan Musial    1. Lou Gehrig

People might think it’s weird to see Cabrera over Pujols considering Cabrera recently won a Triple Crown and has been owning professional pitching for as long as anyone can remember, but people forget how good Pujols was on the Cardinals.  He had TEN straight seasons with at least a .300 batting average, 30 home runs, and 100 RBI.  That is unheard of.  So the answer to this question is also…yes.  He is the best of our generation, sorry Miguel.

How does he stack up against all-time greats?

How do you answer this question? Numbers don’t mean much since all the numbers at the top of the list are absurd. So you have to look at legacy.  He wasn’t Jeter-esque or Yogi Berra-like when it came to being a part of a dynasty, his championships were spread out (2006, 2011).  His team made a pretty legendary run in ’06 considering they barely made the playoffs with 83 wins, so that’s a plus for him. He has great playoff numbers (.323, 19 HR, and 54 RBI in 77 games), and he was always at the forefront of a dangerous Cardinals (and sometimes Angels) lineup.  He made it through the steroid-era clean, which unfortunately is a plus nowadays since the record book has become so tainted.

Bleacher Report and ESPN both left him out of the Top 25 for greatest players, and I think a lot of that has to do with his drop-off after joining the Angels.  If we can get one or two more good to great seasons from Pujols, which is unlikely now with his age, we can say he is one of the top 5 best hitters to ever play baseball.

Just know that next time you catch an Angels game and the hype surrounds Mike Trout (rightfully so), remember that batting right after him is a living legend and somebody who you’ll want to tell your kids you saw play.

Image result for albert pujols  cardinals

 

 

We Now Have Another Question for the Mysterious Life of Bartolo Colon… BirthdateGate is Here Folks

Bartolo. Tolo. Big Sexy. GOATolo. Happy 44th birthday to man who can bring joy to any baseball’s fans life like no other. While I cannot fault the Mets fan not overpaying the big man this offseason even more than the Braves already did, losing Bartolo this offseason was very sad because it took something away from Mets fans that was a lot more about on the field play. It took away the most unique and most fun player to watch in baseball, whether he was playing good or bad at the time (it didn’t help that we lost him to a division rival).

He could make unbelievable plays without any effort, one’s that most fail on in the moment and just make themselves look like complete assholes.

He could swing out of his uniform like no other.

He could literally tell the catcher he wasn’t going to swing, and still draw a few balls.

He could do things that nearly make the Earth stop spinning.

(BTW, people who get mad at Gary Cohen for referring to this as “One of the great moments in the history of baseball” are butthurt losers who just wish Bartolo was hitting Yabos for their team)

But best of all, he could do things we could cheer for, while making us laugh tremendously at the same time.

It’s truly Bartolo’s world, and we’re just living in it.

The secret life of Bartolo Colon began last year when he was being taken to court by his baby mama with whom he had two children, and apparently had not helped pay child support. The thing is, he has been married to another lady for 22 years (21 at the time of the report), and they have four sons together.

However, Bartolo doesn’t give a damn what the news reports, or what asshole Nationals fans have to say.

“They kept taunting him with comments about having two families. That was until the 43-year-old turned around to the crowd and, according to manager Terry Collins, put up three fingers to joke that he has three families.” (NY Daily News)

Heck, I’d chirp Bartolo if it meant he would look at me like this.

Image result for basketball player 3 fingers for 3

Now, yesterday being his 44th, SNY gave him a shoutout during last night’s Mets telecast (how about that bullpen?) and showed a picture of his 1995 baseball card, while he was in the Indians’ organization (he would make his debut in 1997).

Image result for bartolo colon rookie card

Notice anything? I’m not sure how, but something extremely small caught my eye. Doing the math, 2017-44 would mean Bartolo was born in 1973. Well take a closer look at his date of birth on the card: 1975.

This card is a 1995 Bowman card. At first I thought maybe this one card made a mistake, but then I decided to do some research…

1998 Upper Deck: (DOB on card is 5/24/75)

Image result for bartolo colon back of baseball card

1998 Pacific:

Image result for bartolo colon rookie card

1998 Topps:

Image result for bartolo colon back of baseball card

1999 Pacific: (1975)

Image result for bartolo colon rookie card

2001 Topps (now on Montreal Expos):

Image result for bartolo colon back of baseball card

Every card I found from 2004 on had his birthday at the correct date of 1973, however. I feel like the mostly likely scenario here is something along the lines of Major League Baseball having his date of birth incorrect and reporting it to these Card companies incorrectly for years. However, I refuse to believe that this is the reason. That does not sound like a mistake that the league or card companies would make more than once, let alone for 7 seasons. I’m trying to think of possible theories, but none make any sense to me. Bartolo Colon must be involved in BirthdateGate in some way.

At this point, I think Rob Manfred’s only option is to suspend Bartolo Colon for 50 games. We can already jump to suspension because it’s clear that Bartolo will not comply when asked, as he will likely have no valid explanation and will probably try and ignore the subject as well. Since the Indians allowed this mishap for 6 seasons, and the Expos (now the Washington Nationals) allowed it for one, Manfred will most likely be stripping Cleveland of its First Round draft pick for six seasons, from 2017-2022, and Washington of its First Round draft pick for this one season, 2017. Bartolo will appeal this suspension, and the appeal process will go into 2018, after he has signed for a second stint with the Mets. He will lose his appeal, and after he returns, will be a vital piece in leading the Mets to the 2018 World Series Championship. Bartolo will be named World Series MVP, making it a quite awkward situation for the commissioner, who has to look him in the eye, shake his hand, and congratulate him. A situation this unique could only happen to a player this unique. Take that, Manfred.

(I hate that comparing this situation to Tom Brady can sound cool, cause I fucking hate that guy and his team so much)

Happy birthday Bartolo, never retire.

(I’m going to pretend the word “Bartlanta” never entered my ears. That sounds like when people refer to a couple by a combination of their names, but it’s a huge joke behind their backs because they’re the worst, most disgusting couple anyone has ever seen.)

Thoughts After the Yankees’ Win Over the Royals Last Night

Had the pleasure of attending my third game of the season last night. My Dad, brother and I got hooked up with luxury box tickets from someone at his job, so it was a little bit different of an atmosphere than the bleachers, where I sat for the first two games this year. I had to hold back on yelling some things I usually would from the bleachers, but sitting in the box is an unreal experience. Watching a Yankee game in great seats, drinking Stellas and eating good food for free is how God intended life to be lived.

Anyway, this was a great win for the Yankees, and here are a few thoughts that stood out.

First, Severino was amazing last night. He’s pitching like the guy the Yankees thought he could be when he came up in 2015. He scattered four hits and struck out seven in 8 scoreless innings, making it look easy throughout. I’m still a little too concerned about 2016 to say this guy could be our ace of the future, but it seems like he’s gonna be a staple in this rotation for a long time.

Another great thing to see last night was Didi go deep. And boy, was it a shot.

Didi is my favorite current Yankee. A left-handed hitting shortstop with power who plays the game hard, he’s made the transition from Jeter retiring easier than I ever thought it would be.

Also, Jacoby Ellsbury made one of the best catches I’ve ever seen on the first pitch of the game last night.

Ellsbury would stay in the game for the remainder of the inning, before being replaced by Aaron Hicks for the top of the 2nd. This was because Ellsbury initially thought he just had whiplash, but once team doctors began to ask some questions, they determined he had a concussion as well as a sprained neck. The Yankees have placed him on the 7-day concussion list, although it’s likely Ellsbury could miss more time than that. Hopefully he’s not out too long, and the Yankees have recalled Rob Refsnyder from AAA to take Ellsbury’s spot on the roster.

In other news, a Chris Carter broken bat in the 7th inning struck a young fan. He was treated at the ballpark and elsewhere after the game. Carter said he plans to get in contact with the boy to make sure he’s okay. Hate to see that, hopefully he’s okay. Also, it really sucks he had to get hit with Carter’s bat. Would have much rather it have been Judge’s or something. Like this kid gets drilled in the head with a bat, and he gets the pleasure of meeting Chris Fucking Carter? I almost don’t know if that makes it better or worse.

Finally, I was a little disappointed when I looked around the stadium last night. I know it was a Wednesday night in May and the Royals don’t exactly have a large fan base in New York, but the stadium was pretty empty. We’re in first place! Why wouldn’t you want to come out and watch this young, exciting team win games? To be fair, the bleachers were pretty packed. Field level was what was the most empty. I think this proves that there are still plenty of fans who care enough that they want to go to games, but tickets at the new stadium are just too expensive. Something’s gotta give, because it would be sad to see this team to continue to succeed and play their home games in front of only 34,000 people.

P.S.

Imagine this lineup when we actually get corner infielders who can hit (a healthy Bird and Gleyber Torres)? Fuck Chris Carter, and God help Chase Headley.